- NEWS.com.au Network
- news.com.au |
- Fox Sports |
- Newspapers |
- CareerOne |
- carsguide |
- TrueLocal |
- Real Estate |
-
enhanced by Google
Network Highlights:
|
|
Bad BO. To tell or not to tell?
91 Comments
Kate de Brito
Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 08:02amDear Bossy: I have met a great guy and we click very well personality wise. We share a lot of the same interests, I am attracted to him physically but there is one problem.
He doesn’t use deodorant therefore he has BO. I thought I could handle it but the smell brings tears to my eyes.
Everything else is so fantastic but I don’t have the heart to tell him that he smells and he needs to use deoderant. This is becoming a deal breaker for me.
Thoughts?
Anonymous
Bossy says: It’s pretty simple really...but it’s not going to be easy. Essentially you need to decide which you would prefer....to confront an embarrassing subject or dump him?
I know which one I’d go for. Bite the bullet and tell him he smells. He may not like it and he may be so offended he doesn’t want to see you again. But why let that put you off? If he doesn’t do something about his BO you’re going to leg it anyway, so you may as well tell the truth.
Preface it any way you want. Say “this is embarrasing for both of us but I have to say it anyway”. Tell him you are sorry if he is offended. Then say “while I think you’re a great guy and love hanging around you, you need to use deodorant because your BO is making my eyes water”. It’s as simple as that.
He might not take it well but really you are no worse off for telling him. Either way it will be over between you.
Do it soon, and make it quick. Short and sharp like a bandaid.
Have Your Say
Profile
Kate de Brito
Got a question? Ask Bossy. No-holds-barred advice from modern-day agony aunt Kate de Brito. It's the advice your friends and relatives are probably too polite to give.
By emailing a question to Ask Bossy you accept your question may appear on the Ask Bossy blog on news.com and in The Daily Telegraph. Questions cannot be answered privately. Once a question is posted we reserve the right not to remove it.
Latest Articles
Recently Popular
View Entries by Date
| July 2010 | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| S | M | T | W | T | F | S |
| 1 | 2 | 3 | ||||
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
| 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
Monthly Archives
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008
- April 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
Subscribe
Subscribe to receive the latest from Ask Bossy
Related Links
Tools
News.com.au Blogs
From around the News Blog Network
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
If you can see a future with him, you’ve got to tell him. If he realises he stinks, but doesn’t care, run a mile. If he starts working on it, hang around.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:13am)
Wed 30 Jun 10 (12:17pm)
Definitely tell.
I would want someone to tell me if I stank. He may be unaware of his problem and wonders why he can never get a girlfriend.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (01:39pm)
You sound like a loser OP. If he is that perfect of a match, he wouldn’t be oozing sh*t out of his body pores.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (07:31pm)
Be gentle, buy him a bar of Palmolive Gold.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (07:37pm)
Gotta agree with you Vivalicious. If he doesn’t care, or even worse, calls it washing his ‘crusty bits’ when you suggest a shower, don’t bother running, get in the car and drive, very fast, and very far, away. I once knew someone who actually used the phrase above, and he would always laugh and say people were being ‘delicate’ when we gagged.
Funny enough, some guys seem to think it is manly to smell of BO, or just think it is ok to be unhygienic. YUK!!!!!
Slow day at work Bossy?
The answer, the true and undoubtable answer is…
Threesome.
Get someone else to tell him.
On a serious note, blow him and then vomit. Say you’re sorry but his B.O. is just too much.
The association, confrontation and visual imagery of you physically being sick due to him sexually, should hopefully knock some sense into him.
The problem probably isn’t only B.O. I would assume that he also doesn’t shower often, and thinks his “musk” is the bees knees.
SO, do the above and make him sexually anxious about smelling so he does something about it. Then buy him some deoderant, soap, and cologne as a present.
Just make sure he doesn’t buy Lynx. That stuff almost smells like B.O. itself.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:14am)
Wed 30 Jun 10 (11:22am)
Tybalt means there must not be many other emails coming into you becuase you posted this one (slightly boring but yet amusing) so hence the ‘slow day’ comment. So yea there must not have been much happening for you to post it!
Wed 30 Jun 10 (11:57am)
For the uninitiated:
The question - Slow day at work today?
Has nothing to do with dragging.
It is about it being a slow-day work-wise. As in, not busy.
As in, there is so little to do, that you will do anything, pester anyone, sing to everyone, go to the loo 40 times, or for example post up a short, pretty easily answered blog that has no depth, bias, sensationalism, wierd quirkiness, supernaturalexistentialism or anything of the sort.
Basically, is there that little to do at work that your only resort for Wednesday’s blogs was a woman who got called a crazy cat lady by her friend asking how many cats is crazy, and a woman who has a potential date who smells, pondering on whether to tell him he smells or not.
WOW.
You know you rock, Bossy. But everyone has an off day.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (01:08pm)
agree with tybalt! you should get someone else to tell him. Either that or next time you go shopping when your in the personal hygeine section tell him how much you love the smell of a man wearing brut or lynx etc…
Or “accidently” pour heaps of aftershave/cologne on him every time you see him!
Then again you could always date a european man because we always smell great
Wed 30 Jun 10 (01:43pm)
What gives Bossy? Does everyone find this topic too on the nose or something?? No new comments have been posted here for hours - but the other one has been updated at least once....
One has to assume Bossy is too busy to update us today
Wed 30 Jun 10 (01:47pm)
I think he means that this particular issue is crap and boring...which really isn’t your fault...there’s just not enough freaks keeping you busy and us entertained B!
I’ve never undersrood that question. Does slow day mean the day went slowly, as in it dragged? Or there was not much happening? In that case it may also have dragged. Or does it mean you worked very slowly?
Oh ok I get it. Well for the record I wrote my replies on Monday so that would be the “slow” day you refer to. And as you know I am at the mercy of my ingredients Tybalt. Of course I do have some very complex questions waiting for answers but my feeling was you would find many of them just as boring as the BO question, just longer. And you rock too.
Kate de Brito
Wed 30 Jun 10 (02:03pm)
If you haven’t already discussed his non-use of deoderant (you might have asked him, and he said he doesn’t wear it and that was the end of it) then you have a good chance to be nonchalant about it.
When doing something awkward like this I find it pays to play dumb. Pretend it’s not something that’s been churning away in your brain for a bit and don’t launch into a big “We need to talk” moment.
Have your deoderant “run out” while at his place and ask to borrow his instead. If he says he doesn’t have any, you can ask why, or you can offer to pick him some up at Coles. It opens the conversation without it being a big lecture on how he smells and repulses you.
He must think he has no odour, and if that’s the reason he offers up for not using some Norsca then just generalise and say “Don’t be silly, EVERYONE needs deoderant because EVERYONE smells!” - he’ll ask you if you think HE smells, and you can politely tell him he smells just like everyone else, and buy him a can of deoderant.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:19am)
Wed 30 Jun 10 (11:37am)
Chips, that’s a great way to approach it re the running out of deoderant at his house! I like your thinking.
OP, I was in the exact same situation with an ex. I thought the first night we went out ‘oh you poor guy, you’ve had a deoderant mishap, happens to all of us’. But then he smelt the next date and the next one. It was summer and sometimes the smell was just so foul!
I didn’t have the balls to bring it up. It came up in conversation months later and he said he didn’t like using aluminium deoderant on his skin so I told him about the crystal rocks and sprays that are natural and he said he was interested and then never bothered to buy any! I also think the funniest night was when we were going out and he sprayed Lynx on the OUTSIDE of his t-shirt. I also used to get embarrased when we were out that others could smell him.
What I don’t get is, how can they not smell themselves???? It makes me think maybe they can’t smell themselves and then makes me paranoid that maybe I smell and didn’t know. But I do know when I smell! I don’t get it.
Good luck OP. I never had the balls to confront my ex. Winter was a much happier time for me in that relationship
Wed 30 Jun 10 (12:15pm)
I see your point Chips, but I think that’s pussy footing around the issue. I wouldn’t generalise as he’ll just think that no-one has specifically said HE has a problem so he probably wouldn’t use it.
If she implies in his head that he does specifically smell (and bad), then he’s more likely to wear it and keep wearing it.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (03:50pm)
Ummm, hump day person, google anosmia, that’ll enlighten you as to how some dont smell themselves…
Wed 30 Jun 10 (03:51pm)
Cool! Wish Bossy’s blog had a *Like* button
Wed 30 Jun 10 (05:22pm)
Robbity, I had honestly never heard of that! Now a feel a little more sympathy for the two men at work who always leave a woft of BO everywhere they go, maybe they have that.
I don’t think my ex had that though as once when I said my dog smelt nice (after the dog had a bath) he said “you think a dog smells nice???? no wonder you don’t mind me not wanting to wear deoderant”.
I wonder if the smell is actually that bad, or if you’re just a priss. If it’s that bad, suck it up and tell him to start using deoderant.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:24am)
Wed 30 Jun 10 (11:29am)
I agree with Bossy And Moruk but would like to add that he *could* be anosmic, in which case he would not be able to smell himself. My son is (anosmic) and therefore has no idea when he’s on the nose…
Yeah Yeah, most anosmic people are meticulous with their personal hygiene but some have little awareness (like my son, who is also autistic) so have to be told.
It is a personal service, telling him he needs deoderant, but it will pay off.
OP if he is anosmic, telling him he smells may not get the response you expect.
My son (when told he smells) answers ‘no I dont, I’ve never been able to smell’ (very literal kids these autistic) so we just tell him he’s a bit stinky then shove him towards the bathroom......
OP at the end of the day it all depends on whether you like him enough to give him the heads up or whether you couldnt care less if he’s out of the picture. Speak up or bugger him off, the balls in your court!
Yeah you have to tell him, even though that type of thing to say to someone is a bit embarrassing.
Sometimes when i’m with my boyfriend sitting on the couch and I may be cuddling into his neck, there may be a tiny bit of underarm smell, no where near what you are describing, but I will purposely smell his underarms and screw up my face and wave my hand near my nose and laugh.
It has now become a joke between us, but I find that if I find a light hearted and funny way to approach an embarrassing topic, it isn’t as bad as saying it in a serious conversation.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:24am)
Just give him a stick of deodorant as a gift. Include some sexy lingerie in the box and when he opens it tell him if he wears the one, you will wear the other.
If he chooses the lingerie, well, take the deodorant and run. If not, problem solved.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:25am)
Wed 30 Jun 10 (11:56am)
LOL! I’d take the underwear too! =p
Think of it as community service. Think of all the people who suffer because of him. You could be their pagan sun-god!
It’s not just deodorant, either. People with bad BO tend to not wash their bedding, woollen clothing, towels or day-to-day clothes frequently. It’s more like a disinfecting/de-lousing operation than just buying a can of Lynx and giving yourself the old high-five. Everything will need to be either boiled, dry-cleaned or just destroyed and replaced.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:27am)
Rub a raw onion on yourself, just before you get intimate… he’s sure to mention something to which you can reply “you smell worse actually” - ok maybe don’t be that brutal but you get the gist.
Other than that, ask rexona to send him some samples
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:28am)
Easy.
Put Lynx on him then jump his bones.
Positive reinforcement!
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:33am)
Just tell him. Something like “You might not realise this, but I think the deoderant you are using isn’t strong enough”.
I had to tell a friend of mine the same thing a few years ago. He was thankful. Its no different to having someone tell you that you have spinach in your teeth. You are better off being told than staying in ignorance about the embarassing issue.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:34am)
Women. Always trying to change a guy. Just start wearing a peg on your nose everytime you intend to see him. That way you’ve solved the problem and not offended the guy either. Simple really.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:38am)
If you can’t tell him, stop using it yourself
He’ll soon work it out.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:43am)
Wed 30 Jun 10 (01:19pm)
No he won’t - he’ll remain blissfully unaware of his own scent and dump you because of your BO.
Then again, that’s one solution to the problem.
Totally understand your situation here. I once dated a guy for about 3 weeks who was exactly the same. Only thing is, he wasn’t that fantastic to make me stay and see it through. The 3 weeks we dated happened also to be in the middle of summer. I just couldn’t stand it, it was foul, although I think his issue was more one of laziness then anything. If you really think this guy is worthwhile - you have to tell him.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:43am)
I was going to say hang one of those little car tree air freshener things from his nose when he’s asleep, but what Bossy said is valid too.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:49am)
I hate those little trees...they stink worse than car stink
Kate de Brito
Wed 30 Jun 10 (11:15am)
Yeah tell him he smells. I thought most people fixed their BO problems in highschool from getting teased. Nobody likes names like stinky john or smelly melly.
So now that your boyfriend has progressed to adulthood I can only assume he never went to school. For this reason he probably has below average IQ and won’t understand when you talk to him. So maybe you will have to communicate it by gesticulating and using grunting sounds.
hope this helps.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:50am)
Thu 01 Jul 10 (10:22am)
Thanks potatoes, you have just reminded me of the foul stench of a ‘smelly melly’ I had the displeasure of working with once… yuk - nothing worse than chick stink. I’d rather smell man BO anyday.
I love you Bossy, Will you Marry me? I think I could go str8 for you!
Anyway OP tell him, Is there any reason why he does not use deodorant? I know that there are some religions that ban the use of deodorant, God only knows why!
I could not be with a guy if he smells, EWWW!!!!!
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:56am)
Wed 30 Jun 10 (11:48am)
“I could not be with a guy if he smells, EWWW!!!!!”
That’s a bit tough coming from a guy who after sex smells like shit!.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (02:31pm)
Don’t listen to FINK. Obviously a moron. I like what you say and agree Brad. It’s so difficult to confront someone with these issues though. I once had a dear close friend who smelled awful. It wasn’t just a deodorant issue. It was clothes, bedding, and the fact he drank only cola (no water!) that all contributed to his stench. Though a few of us told him he was a bit whiffy, in the nice friend way (not the teasing way), it still took him a while to organise himself. I wish you the best of luck Anon. You could have a lifetime of love vs one embarassing ten minute convo and if he dumps you, it wasn’t meant to be. Good luck!
Wed 30 Jun 10 (03:46pm)
Oh, so does that mean after sex you smell like fish?
No Brad
Kate de Brito
Wed 30 Jun 10 (11:16am)
Personal hygiene issues are a definite deal-breaker for me, so I would find it difficult, if not impossible, to say anything to this guy, especially if, as you say, his body odour is bad enough to “bring tears” to your eyes. I would have to walk away.
To my mind, any adult male who hasn’t yet learnt the importance of showering every day, using deodorant and changing his clothes regularly, is a lost cause.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:57am)
Wed 30 Jun 10 (09:14pm)
I agree with you somewhat, but I know someone that actually showers twice a day, use deodorant, and use fresh set of clothing everyday, but by the time he gets home from work to take his SECOND shower he manages to smell. His BO is not of lack of personal hygiene. How would you suggest him to get rid off his BO?
Just make light of it and next time you embrace say ‘phwar, did you forget to put on your Lynx today’?
He has an obligation to sort himself out otherwise he’s going to be alone for a very long time
Wed 30 Jun 10 (08:59am)
Maybe you could try getting him one of those gift packs with deoderant, aftershave etc and say you love the smell of them. He might get the hint or just wear them cause you said you liked them and that way you won’t have to embarass him.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (09:02am)
Yeh agree with Bossy. Some people just stink. If it’s not on (the deodorant), it’s not on. A shower once in a while might do the job, too. Some people legitimately have no sense of smell and have no idea - he may or may not be one of them. Tell him. Might help him understand why he didn’t get that job promotion, and why no one sits with him at lunch, too.. If he rants and raves, you’re better off without stinkypants in your life.
Wed 30 Jun 10 (09:15am)