Kate de Brito
Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 08:05am
Dear Bossy: I just have a question for you, is it really wrong to turn down an offer to donate to a charity no matter what your circumstances are?
I will keep this as brief as possible, I work in a relatively high paying job, but my expenses have been quite high. For example, wedding, paying off a house, car etc and baby on the way, dropping down to 1 income soon. I was given the opportunity to donate $40 to a charity today at work but in all honesty I need to be saving every cent I can for the baby we have on the way. I don’t mean to be rude ( I have donated money and time before for charities) but is it really wrong to put my new family first?
People at work looked down on me as if I had just killed someone, mind you the people that did were either single in similar paying job to me (therefore more money to spend on themselves) or much older (had more time to setup their families financial situation).
What is the best/most professional way to tell them to mind their own business because they don’t know everyone’s situation?
Thanks!
Bossy says: Poor you. All those heavy obligations. How unfair for a work colleague to suggest you to put your hand in your pocket for someone else. I mean, what about you?
Not giving is pretty simple. You just say no, and leave it at that. You say you have already donated to that particular appeal or you’re putting your money into another charity. Say whatever you want. But don’t expect applause. Don’t expect cheery faces because you’re too tight to give to others in need.
I understand what you are saying in theory. Don’t you have needs too? And shouldn’t you look after those first. And shouldn’t you also be free to give or not give. Sure. But the trouble with many of us , is we have begun to confuse needs and wants. We think all those things we are saving toward are actually necessary when really they are a giant privilege of having a wealthy western life.
Of course you are not obligated to give money to a particular charity. You may choose to give money or time elsewhere. Or you may give on another day. Don’t give money just because it’s expected. Give because it’s the right thing to do. Give because you recognise you are enormously privileged and because it will honestly have zero effect on the way you live.
Give because while you may have plenty of financial commitments and drains on your money, you are still by far one of the most affluent people on the planet. Give because you have enough money for shelter and clothes and clean drinking water. Give because when it comes down to it none of the things you are saving for matter quite as much as potentially saving someone else’s life.
I know these are hard messages. And I am not suggesting you become MotherTheresa. We live in a Society where we are coached about the necessity of having lovely things. We save for a new, more expensive car when they other works just as well. We save enormous amounts for weddings and blow the lot in one day. We buy more clothes and more shoes and more gadgets.
I’m not telling you you can’t have these. You were fortunate enough to be born into this society. You are smart enough to find a well paying job and you probably work hard for the money you receive.
But that does not rub out the harsh reality of what happens elsewhere in the world; of the billions of people, children included, living in poverty. Real poverty. Not no Play Station or I-phone poverty. Can’t feed your children poverty. Chain your toddler to a pole while you work kind of poverty.
You’re not to blame for their plight and you certainly can’t “save” them all. But how about showing some genuine gratitude for all you have by giving to someone else. And ask yourself why if you had the chance to contribute toward the betterment of someone else, why you wouldn’t jump at the chance?
I hear you saying you have given before. But how much did you really give? And when? If you gave last year, or last month does that mean you can absolve your guilt and move on, confident you have done your piece? Or is giving a life-long commitment, a well that should never run dry?
Philosopher and author Peter Singer suggests at a minimum we try to give five percent of our income to charity. It seems like a big ask. But then Singer would really prefer you gave more. He also reminds us in the first page of his book The Life You Can Save, that about a billion people live each day on the amount of money you spend on a single plastic bottle of water.
And he argues that if you can afford to buy water when you already have access to safe clean drinking water then you have more money than you need.
We all have debt and expenses. We’re all paying off houses or cars or weddings. We have families that cost money to raise. But always try to put it into perspective. And ask if you couldn’t afford $40 could you have offered $20. Or $10?
The harder question is to ask “what could I have gone without” to contribute that $40? How many takeaway meals would I have to miss? How much Foxtel? How many movies? Or beers? Or coffee? And would you be willing to go without if it meant you could save someone’s life?
For all I know the people in your office were collecting for a new air-conditioning system for some kid’s classroom. And maybe you thought you shouldn’t have to chip in for that. So yes, you can always pick and choose where you donate money. You should be smart and thoughtful about where your money goes.
But know this...we can all convince ourselves we don’t have enough to give. It’s just very rarely true.
You live an affluent, safe life. You are enormously blessed. You couldn’t give today. But ask yourself when you will have enough that you can consider giving to someone who has nothing?
it’s a fine line whether or not to donate to charity, they do say charity starts at home. I would say this, do what you feel is right, I get the whole commitment thing, I have the same issue, but everyone no matter how small and surely can donate a small amount, but in saying that you have to have to look at your own circumstances first.
As for people passing judgement, well let’s just say those who live in glass homes shouldn’t throw stones.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:13am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (11:41am)
and should keep their clothes on
Wed 10 Feb 10 (12:36pm)
I like to keep all of my charity and giving private.... Saying that, I do more than most people I think!
You need to be comfortable with not only how much you give to a charity, but also who you give it to. The last cause I would ever give to would be a cause that I was pressured to give to because of being concerned about the opinions of others.
Sometimes charity is a case of giving $’s, sometimes it is a case of spending your valuable time, sometimes it is best spent within your family, sometimes it is best spent within a structured Charity or organisation.
But one thing is for sure.... what ever I have given over the years, always seems to be be rewarded i n mysterious ways!
So do your own thing and do not worry about what others think about you,
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:36pm)
Op, since you are on such a high income, you should be giving MORE to charity to knock down your tax bill. That will be nice when you get a fat refund come July when you are on one income. I would much rather a charity has my money than those wowsers in parliment!
So unless it is a colleague’s kids raffle ticket sale, I only donate to charities with recognised tax status. Not only do you get the deduction but the charity is legit. The ATO doesn’t let a dime slip through its fingers unless it has to!
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:08pm)
Dunno about dimes Catbiccy, but the ATO and the government behind them seem to throw dollars and cents around like it’s going out of style.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:35pm)
Yeah. Give all you can to charity, claim it back in july, then give your entire tax refund to another charity!.... Welldone. i mean seriously, if you get $2000 back come tax time.. think of all the people out there that dont have that or even near that.. give it away. then the next tax time repeat, when your eating dinner at home think, no the people on the world vision adds dont have steak. throw it in the bin and never buy steak again. give what you would spend on steak in the form of cash to someone more needy, dont put fuel in your car to get to work, people overseas dont have cars or fuel so you shouldnt either, toss dirt in the air everytime you take a breathe because your clean oxygen is something others arent so fortunate with…
Theres some sarcasm in there.. see if you can spot it.
Well said Bossy!
I have to agree, I am in a bad position myself due to poor money management but I still have an automatic direct debit payment which goes straight to world vision. Like Bossy said, we are blessed to be living in the conditions we live in, when some people born in countries are desperate for things that no one should be desperate to obtain, like water or food. No living creature should not be able to have these.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:15am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:09pm)
Correct, and I should refer OP to http://www.globalrichlist.com - if you enter your annual income it will tell you where you sit on a global scale in terms of wealth. Apparently I am in the top 3% most wealthy in the world, despite the fact that I earn very little and still manage to support my boyfriend, son and pay my bills. Guess what, I donate a little bit to charity too. At the end of the day, I could do without the massage or eyebrow wax, that money could go toward a more worthy cause.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:27pm)
I’m a little lost. Because, I can’t find anywhere, where the OP even mentions that the charity was for starving kids overseas. The charity could be for Cancer, RSPCA, Crohns Disease, Deaf and Blind foundation, absolutely anything.
The charity may not have even allowed donations under $40.00, as some charities can set a minimum donation amount.
It’s up to each individual as to where they give, how much to give and how they prefer to give the donation (Raffles, tax deductible receipts, purchasing a red nose to throw in the bin etc).
Wed 10 Feb 10 (10:12pm)
HonkyTonks,
what a load of crap that link is! Its based on a world wide average income of 5 grand, so our ‘poor’ pensioners on $600/fnite are in the worlds top 12 percentile range
What Rubbish!!
I believe that you should only give what you can spare. How much that is is up to you.
In this case, you were asked to give $40. If you feel you can’t spare that much, would you consider giving less? Every dollar counts.
Personally, I’m lucky enough to be able to give a few hundred dollars a year to a few of my favourite charities, but if the office is doing a collection for something I’ll give what I can then too.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:16am)
Right… I know we’re supposed to GIVE, but to whom? I’ve supported a few charities in my time - Mission Australia, Greenpeace (ah, how I regret that one!), Heart Research Institute - with regular ongoing donations. So when someone at work starts clearing their throat and putting their hand out, I get frustrated.
How many people are we supposed to give to? Which ones? Is it better to support the local homeless, or the starving in Africa? Do we give to cancer research or SIDS research? Money to Greenpeace, or to Dave in Marketing whose kid is doing a read-a-thon this month? We can’t help everyone, and frankly it’s a little overwhelming.
I’m taking a break from giving at the moment too. I just need a little while to get my financial ducks in a row and I don’t feel guilty about that. Frankly, it’s no one’s business WHY you don’t give, just smile a beatific smile and ignore them.
Some people only give for the sake of looking saint-like, you know.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:18am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (11:34am)
WELL SAID.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (12:16pm)
Well said indeed Chips.
I simply tell people/callers that I am not in a position to help at the moment. Other times I do help, but only when I can.
There is always some charity looking for donations, or some disaster here or there, but I am a single mum with 3 teenagers so theres not much ‘spare’ money around in my house.
When I can I support RFDS and Starlight, as I have seen both in action and know the money gets where its intended to go. Otherwise people get a polite response as above, and I dont justify myself as I already do my bit.
OP my thought when reading your letter is that most of your excuses were about ‘saving for’ things and you feel guilty about that. Its a personal thing, do what you can and dont let anyone else make you feel bad about that.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (12:58pm)
My vote goes to Dave in marketing.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:00pm)
Totally with you Chips. I have monthly contributions to WWF and HSI (and formerly Greenpeace - my gods, those guys are rude!)
I have a personal policy which sounds quite horrible out loud, but nevertheless… (dons flameproof suit)
I only donate to animal and environment charities because they don’t have their own voice. People do.
I’m also really cynical about charities - how come Red Cross or World Vision or all those other places haven’t made more of an impact yet with all their donations? What about all the money that goes missing? How come my grandfather wasn’t notified that his sponsored child was now 25 years old and probably a soldier for the local militia? I secretly believe it all funds warlords and terrorists… okay that’s maybe exaggerating a little, but… hmmm food for thought maybe?
The guilt tripping is the worst bit - I hate how they often try to pressure you, and use sneak attacks to trap you. That just turns me off - and it’s why I quit Greenpeace after several years. They kept pressuring me to increase my monthly donations, and so I stopped taking their (several a day) calls. In the end they sent me a letter saying if I didn’t call them, they would automatically increase my monthly donation. Well enough was enough!
/rant!
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:25pm)
Agreed
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:32pm)
Well said.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:34pm)
Chips Am Legend, you’re 100% correct. Some people do only give to feel good about themselves or assuage guilt. What losers! You’re really showing them, aren’t you?
Personally, I pick 3 charities per year and donate by directt debit. I also do foster care for the RSPCA and donate goods for special occasions like xmas. It makes me feel fuking great to do things for animals, people who are less fortunate or to maybe help my kids to have a better future. I think it’s a great way to be selfish but it appears that you disagree. I suppose I should buy a new plasma tv and be true to myself?
But your argument that you can’t give anything at all because there are too many worthwhile causes seems a tad dishonest. Options: Choose one cause that means something to you and ignore all others; or give a nominal amount to every one who asks. Alternatively, give nothing and if someone asks why you don’t give anything to charity, be honest at least with yourself. If every act is in fact selfish, why not acknowledge your own selfishness instead of sneering at others?
Bossy, you hit the nail on the head with this response. I have a 5% (of my gross annual income) benchmark for donating to charity and it’s hard to see money come from your account every month when you could buy a new pair of shoes or go out to dinner. But to me, it’s the equivalent of being grossly overweight and stuffing your face with chicken while your neighbour starves to death before your eyes. If you threw them a lousy drumstick, you wouldn’t really notice much difference but it could be a life or death difference to someone else. Wow, I’m selfish and sanctimonious. Throw in paternalistic and I could run the UN! Selfish pricks!
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:53pm)
I give. I am able to donate monthly, so I do. I am a single mum, raising two children, paying off my home and as for the car, well I was lucky to be able to own it when I purchased it.
So I sponsore two children and child rescue as well UNHCR, but that is it,because I want to teach my children compassion. I am afraid that in the society we live in today they are at the risk of not developing the character to become human beings. Mind you my girls have given their toys away not to cousins but to other children with a need for them. Actual need, not desire.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (03:12pm)
Well said.
I love you.
Aye Want Eet Babies!.
Git Ein Mai Belleh!
Wed 10 Feb 10 (03:22pm)
Some of you are gullible idiots. Any charity that offers direct debit are guaranteed to be ripping you off. I’m with Tehkella - how come with all this money sinking into charities like World Vision, there is nothing to show for it? Because that money (your money!) is lining the pockets of the greedy, not the needy. So you pick your charities, set up a regular deduction, then sit back and feel good about yourselves? You should feel foolish! Do some research before throwing your money away! Personally, I wouldn’t trust most charities. If you really want to make a difference, donate food, clothing and other items to Good Sammys etc., or allocate some time to help out as a volunteer for a worthy cause. Don’t piss your money away thinking you’re doing the right thing. You’re just making someone else rich with your own hard-earned money.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (05:45pm)
Well said again!
After discovering that most collectors are paid, with commission from YOUR DONATION, whats the point. Get over yourslef bossy, family does come first, donate time and goods only.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (05:49pm)
As the others said - well said.
Bossy has taken a holier than though atitude on this. I do give to a charity when I can. Do I trust every charity that puts its hand out? - no. Look at the facts, most charities absorb 90% in admin fee’s. Should I put my hand out to every person at work or in the street asking for money - no. I make my choice.
I do not know what is a good wage / salary these days to live in Sydney. I live in Sydney and I struggle and I consider myself making a good wage. My wife does not work and hasn’t for years as she wants to be a stay at home mum. We now have 4 kids and I make $85K (which is apparently the average household wage), which I consider a “good wage”. That means $1200 a week clear, we have to pay our mortgage, our pre-school fees, our food bills. We have 1 car, 1 tv, a three bedroom apartment in Sydney, we do not live the high life, we do not have i-pods coming out of our arse. Yes we are lucky we live in Australia, and as an individual wage, we are doing OK but as a 5 person wage we have to do what we can. And to have Bossy sit there, and say that we need to contribute as we are in the lucky few percent- well fuck her.
Bossy - what is your situation. Please give a base. Single $120,000 giving advice? Married, 5 dependants due to a lifestyle choic?. End of the day - fuck you for being so judgemental.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (06:18pm)
‘Truth’ should get your facts right. The majority of charities allocate under 30% of their budget to admin costs. Banks steal money too so should you never buy with finance. Absoluely daft logic.
Charity Navigator breaks down the percentage of income spent on admin/advertising/fundraising. WorldVision is fairly efficient with over 85% of all monies going to programs.
Sorry, you tightarses don’t want the actual facts getting in the way of your privilidged denials do you? My bad!
Wed 10 Feb 10 (07:03pm)
Greenpeace? Well at least it wasn’t Peta.. some of their tactics are just awful.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (07:12pm)
Jen, I bow down to your wonderful goodness. I’m a monster, a monster!!
Wed 10 Feb 10 (07:52pm)
I’m with you here, Chips. Charity organisations are like seagulls, throw a chip to one of them and suddenly there’s a flock squawking around you. Get into the habit of saying ‘no’, and on the odd occasion that you feel like donating, it will be a pleasant surprise, rather than being an obligation every day.
Most of the charity cold-calls I get go like this:
Them: Hi, I’m calling on behalf of Person-You-Never-Met Foundation, we support girls with testicular cancer. We’re a very well known organisation who have helped-
Me: You’re going to ask me for money, aren’t you?
Them: What?
Me: I said, you’re ringing to ask me for money. Am I right?
Them: ...well… yes.
Me: Thanks, but I’m not interested. Good luck! *click*
I refuse to be badgered, guilted or pestered into donating money to a cause I don’t care about. On the other hand, plenty of times I’ve seen a homeless guy asking for coins and said “come on, mate, I’ll shout you a hot dinner”. This sort of charity directly helps someone instead of being filtered through layers of management and professional beggars, with only a small percentage trickling down to the actual cause promoted.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (09:21pm)
I’m with Chips, who do you give too. However I do have a rule, any charity which can afford to pay collectors (yep all the ones you see in Martin Place employing backpackers who conveniently turn around their “Paid Collector” name badges) doesn’t need my money. I’d prefer my money to fully (or at least a majority) goes to a charity rather than only a small percentage whilst the rest goes to their paid collectors, the agency that organises their paid collectors, the phone bills for their paid collectors to call me up from their call centres and try to guilt me into giving more money. Some of those collection agencies helpers take more than 90% of your donation. I’d prefer to give to the volunteer Salvo’s collectors amongst others.
Thu 11 Feb 10 (02:18am)
I refuse to donate to a charity on most occasions. My contribution is time; I make sure to volunteer for events and whatnot, as opposed to handing out money.
Why? Because I knew of a couple that ran a foundation. only 20% of the money donated to the foundation is required to go directly to the cause - SIDS, Blindness, Sexual Incompetency, etc. What happens to the other 80%? well, it is used for “administrative costs.” The afore-mentioned couple lived in a 12 bedroom house with a pool, three cars, in New Farm - all paid for with the money donated to the Foundation.
As such, my faith that my money will be used for a good cause is destroyed. For all I know, I’m just helping someone purchase their vacation home in Tahiti. So I donate my time instead. At least I know I’m doing some good when I’m helping build a house for the homeless.
Thu 11 Feb 10 (11:20am)
LOL @ Peter! I love when people quote ‘facts’ and then give a generic statistic.
85K is good money, mate.
It’s your choice ultimately. But I couldn’t help but think: I have a decent paying job, I am paying off a car I cannot afford and saving for a holiday I cannot afford yet I still manage to give what I can.
I donate to 2 charities monthly, granted I don’t give much, about $60 a month for both. But it is something.
This is a one off payment you were asked for. Not a monthly contribution.
Think of something that is a real luxury to you (EG your morning coffee) and give it up. The money you would save there alone I’m pretty sure would equal more than $40 a month.
But then again it is your choice.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:27am)
Thu 11 Feb 10 (11:13am)
Give up morning coffee? Are you serious?????
Well Bossy’s answer was about 20 paragraphs too long.
The simple answer is no, you don’t have to give money to charity ever. No need to justify anything. It’s no one’s business and don’t buy into the guilt trips.
No one has the right to judge what others do with their own money.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:28am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (12:53pm)
I agree Nicole and Chips am Legend.
It’s no one’s business.
I do feel lucky and blessed and want to help , so I donate to various local and overseas charities regularly BUT it does get overwhelming when you keep getting phone calls from 2 or 3 charities an evening at home, people at work are selling raffle tickets, charity collectors in the CBD are out in force and 5 homeless people can stop me in an given day asking for donations too.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:07pm)
Nicole I’m sure if you had to raise funds urgently, for expensive medical treatments for someone close to you, you will have quite a different opinion.
You sound like you have no soul.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:13pm)
I’m with you Nicole.
Being a eating whatever food I could buy with silver change made me understand that it’s better to help those around you in practical ways rather than getting that smug feeling from donating money to an organisation that probably absorbs most of the funds in operational costs.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:17pm)
Oh cool, so I can give my money to a drug dealer and no one has the right to judge me? Why do we frown on gambling addicts? if no one has a right to judge?
Society judges, it’s a fact of life.... it may not be our business or our right to judge but it is our right to think less of you.....
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:21pm)
I agree. No one should judge, and you are NEVER obligated to give to charity.
Call me selfish, but I give money to people in my immediate circle when they need it. I RESENT being asked to give to charity. At my workplace, there are weekly charity donations, and every cause under the sun comes up where we are all expected to reach into our pockets YET AGAIN.
Too much pressure. Charity donation needs to come from the heart, not from workplace obligation.
OP - you did the right thing by refusing. Next time, just say, “I already donated online.”
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:40pm)
Slow clap Nicole. Tellin it like it is. Stuff everyone, I’m right Jack and I’m proud to be a greedy pig.
Beauty is only skin deep but some people are ugly to the core.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:28pm)
Perhaps you may want to reread my post. I’m not saying DON’T donate. Nor am I saying I don’t donate myself - try your hardest not to confuse the issue.
But I will maintain that people should not feel obligated to donate to charities and never need to explain themselves as to why they do or don’t.
Same goes for gambling, drugs etc.
What I do or don’t do with my money should be IRRELEVANT to you.
Your own life and your own choices should keep you busy enough without meddling in the affairs of everyone else.
Let people make their choices and you make yours.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (03:27pm)
*student...I was a student. Freakin typos.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (06:06pm)
I agree - but wil also add that this is one of the worst Bossy replies ever. Who is she to decide what people give to charities. So many of them absorb most of the money in management and admin. Would be great to sit back on a great wage like Bossy obviously does, and be able to throw $40 to every charity her frineds deem worthy. Some people do not have luxury.
Bossy - this response makes you sound like a tosser. Come to Bankstown or other areas where money is tight and give them you spiel. Ohh, you only care about your select friends in your wage bracket I guess. So to the Eastern Suburbs people, shout out “well said”, to others who have to pay bills shout out something else to Bossy.
Thu 11 Feb 10 (10:42am)
Strong agree with you and string disagree with Bossy on this one. You work for your money and it’s your choice to do what you wish with it.
When you investigate many charities, you’ll find the money gets squandered in many cases and does not go to who they claim.
Thu 11 Feb 10 (10:49am)
I buy 90 percent of clothes and household goods at Vinnies and SAlvation Army - for me that’s the solution. Everyone wins. I get the clothes I need on my tiny poverty income and other poor people get whatever tiny percentage gets donated from those (vastly overpriced) second hand goods. But cold hard cash that goes god knows where? No deal.
Thu 11 Feb 10 (01:01pm)
Thanks a lot Bossy, now I’m going to have that in my head for the rest of the day:
“She call me Bossy Boombastic say me fantastic, blog me in me back she somthing somthing blo...gtastic”
Other than that irritating little sideline, I liked this answer much better than your original one.
Thu 11 Feb 10 (03:32pm)
I never give to charity. Never. We elect a government and pay taxes to take care of all that. Giving to charity helps the government and the wealthy evade their responsibilities.
You’re entitled to disagree Kyle. That’s the beauty of a blog. I’m surprised though how many people have scolded me for getting on my “soap box”. After two years doing this job it seems to me a blog is by its very definition a soapbox. So that gave me a laugh. But you’re right I probably did sound a bit like a wanker. Sometimes I am bombastic. And I do tend to get a bit theatrical. But I maintain a lot of people kid themselves they can’t afford to contribute. Obviously it’s a personal decision. Lots of things are. And in the end no one can force you to donate to a charity. But nor can you force others to beam with enthusiasm when you say no. I guess you just have to cop sweet if they think you are a tight wad. I also don’t think you’re right about “eastern suburbs” people (don’t live there btw). You’ll find a lot of people in “areas where money is tight” give more to charity than in wealthier areas. What I’m saying Kyle is it’s not so much about how much you give but that you don’t convince yourself you have nothing to give. It’s very rarely true.
Well now that’s in my head too PP
Kate de Brito
Thu 11 Feb 10 (01:19pm)
The whole point of giving to charity is that you’re digging into your pockets to help someone else, even if you can’t necessarily “afford” to do so. I promise, the “hardships” you’d face from missing the $40 out of your pocket are nothing compared to what the people the charity supports face.
Don’t come here with a sop story about how you can’t afford to donate to charity because you have to pay off your house and your brand new car, poor you, there’s people out there living on the streets that have to dig through the trash for their food. And you know what? They’re probably less greedy than you, too.
By the sounds of it, if your workmates all looked down on you, this wasn’t just a “weekly charity” thing where people expect you to fork up half of your paycheck. It sounds more like it was a one-off to support a co-worker, or as an office effort to support a local charity. Is $40 out of your pocket REALLY that much of a burden that you’ll fall into debt?
If you didn’t want to give $40 up for charity, that’s fine, your decision. But don’t write a letter about how hard your life is to try and alleviate the guilt you felt for avoiding it.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:28am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (11:46am)
Fuck champ don’t fall off that pedistal champ you might damage your friggen halo.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (12:08pm)
I think giving to charity if you can’t afford it is dumb. Our whole economy is geared towards paying for stuff on credit. Why go into more debt for a pleb who should not have bred in the first place? Why do all these people crying poor keep bringing kids into society? I get a kick out of knowing because of my new surfboard, leather couch, investment property and so on I am superior to most people in the world financially. Generally speaking I have a deep seeded hatred of everyone in the world and don’t care for their plight. The only people in recent times i have had any sympathy for are the black Saturday victims because they are aussie and burning to death would suck.
If you want give out to charity, give out condoms to stop the poor world from breeding. Secondly how do charities afford TV adds? from donations? Do you really want to pay for an add?
Wed 10 Feb 10 (12:09pm)
Love that comment!
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:08pm)
Potatoes....
Most Charities actually get there advertsing space for free…
I used to work for a large ogranisation in Sydney and the TV stations and papers would call up offering us the space.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:29pm)
Hey, Potatoes,
Falling into credit debt is a person’ own fault. Whatever happened to saving for the things needed and budgeting for others? I am not aomeone born a hundred years ago, but as someone fairly young, I learnt to save for everything I wanted and needed Budget. Only ever had a credit card once, not for important things, Never had it again. I nowuse my trusty cheque book and ATM card and a debit card, but everything comes from my savings account. I still save.
As for your opinion on the poor having children, what right do you have to judge? These children are also in fact better than the children born to parents who can afford them. Why is that I wonder?
Wed 10 Feb 10 (06:15pm)
Ha, your an idiot. Most charities absorb about 95% of donations in management fees. Few trustworthy ones.
So Moruk, tell us what you have donated to and what percentage of your wage that was. You can sit there throwing stones, but not give an example of how good you are. Thats what most preachers do. You read Bossy’s spiel and want to suck up. Show us how much of a contributer you have been in the fight against world poverty.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:14pm)
M,
saving for things went out the window when house prices went to 7 times the annual wage. I have a mortgage, which means my borrowed money is invested in an appreciating asset as opposed to a depreciating asset like a plasma or a car. so there’s smart borrowing money and dumb borrowing money. There is only so much you can save. Which gets me back to the topic of charity, as some dumb bitch single mum tennant is copping charity from me by not paying me rent. I don’t give a shit if she has to strip for the rent. That and I feel for my unjust speeding fine 4 years ago I shouldn’t have to pay the world a cent worth of charity.
your life sounds like it sucks. look where all your money has got you. a big wedding and a baby. fucking gross.
so yeah maybe give it to charity so someone you’re exploiting to make your millions can get a hit of heroin.
and stop having babies if you can’t answer this for yourself.
and kill yourself.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:30am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:05pm)
Anyone else want to contribute to the whip-around for Geoff’s anger management course?
Wed 10 Feb 10 (09:16pm)
My God… a bit harsh?
Thu 11 Feb 10 (11:21am)
I hope some of the money that I donated to the charity for the mentally ill has made it’s way to Geoff.
Doesn’t sound like it though.
Give them a call Geoff and tell them you need HELP!
Thu 11 Feb 10 (12:41pm)
It’s not all bad, I’d agree with the ‘and stop having babies if you can’t answer this for yourself.’ remark. Makes you wonder if the child will be raised to look out for number 1 (as many other’s have commented here) and screw the rest of society/world.
Thu 11 Feb 10 (01:34pm)
it’s ok bossy has soothed me with that little xx. i’m assuming it means double kisses for me; which is basically the reason i write on this blog. imaginary smooches from bossy. i really like bossy; but i hate people who have children. there are already too many people. everyone wants to carry on their legacy x4 and the cancer on this planet multiplies and gets louder and angrier and stupider. everything else is bullshit unless it keeps you safe and secure in your ignorance that you’re an overindulgent piece of shit that is contributing to all the problems you complain about. and the fact that every retard that writes in with a ‘problem’ is having a child or the having of a child is related in some way to the retarded goings on of another person scares me. who knows though. maybe planet is like a sort of consciousness that’s have some disturbing thoughts at the moment but it’ll be alright once WW3 starts the purifies the planet then we build a time machine and fulfil our destiny as maggots in space.
xx
Kate de Brito
Thu 11 Feb 10 (10:11am)
Bossy you’ve made a lot of valid points, but the whole thing read like one big guilt trip to the OP. I hate being pressured to give. It’s not the way it should be. I did like this bit though:
Also, I’ll extend that and say if you are going to give, give to charities you choose who do work in an area you’d like to support. We personally like the RSPCA and Guide Dogs Australia. A friend of ours will only give to a select few charities who support working and education for women in third world countries. It all depends on where you’d like to see your money go.
I agree in what you say that money might not be as tight as people often make out. Every day I see people complaining about having no money while sipping their $5 coffee and organising Friday’s booze-up.
If actual dollars and cents are a bit tight and you want to make sure you have the best start for Junior when they arrive, there are plenty of other things you can do if you feel so inclined such as donating your time or donating blood.
You do need to look after your family first and foremost but there is always the scope to do something for someone else if you want to help.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:31am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (11:47am)
Nice, PP.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (12:55pm)
Peter Singer’s point is that there are children dying in this world and we can prevent that from happening. He uses the analogy of a child drowning in a pond. At what point would personal inconvenience stop you from rescuing that child? When you get your shoes wet? No, most of us, given the immediacy of something happening in front of us would help. He urges us to remember that there are children dying, thousands each day, in less fortunate parts of the world. If we each gave quite a moderate portion of our income to help, he suggests 5% if you are less than roughly $100K and more if you earn more.
Personally, I put my money into educating girls in Africa. It is my belief that this is what will make the biggest difference. I have a friend who puts a huge amount of time and effort into creating a socialist state and I respect that.
You need to look after your family but those children dying in Africa and Haiti are part of your family too.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:44pm)
I am not allowed to donate blood. I get through all those questions about if you ever had bum-sex with mad cows in England in 1985 or whatever, but they then reject me because I had IBS which means I might have low iron levels??? So might every other womean of child-bearing age in Oz. Too bad for all the O+ people out there if Red Cross turns you down for stupid shit like that.
But it was a good idea PP
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:20pm)
Mrs Biscuit, in that case why not just hack up the occasional hairball and donate it to those lovely old ladies who knit little hats, booties and rag dolls for new babies in maternity wards?
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:32pm)
Exactly PP,
It is actually pretty easy to put away money to give to charity, or set up a direct debit system, you don’t even realise the money is gone. You can usually give as little as $10-15 a month and what would you really spend that small amount on? 3-4 coffees? 5 beers (at country pub prices
)? A couple of glasses of wine?
Maybe if the OP hadn’t spent all his/her cash on a wedding, car and house he/she would be able to spare $40 for whatever charity.
Maybe you are feeling guilty, not because your fellow co-workers are making you, but because you are looking at your life and wondering if you really needed to spend all that money when most people have nothing?
Thu 11 Feb 10 (11:23am)
Donating blood? When pregnant?
Thu 11 Feb 10 (01:09pm)
Natalie, I just reread the OPs post and the whole thing looks gender neutral to me. I can’t figure out if OP is the pregnant one or partner of the pregnant one.
Besides, it was an example of an alternative to hard cash. Donate goods you don’t want or need if you prefer.
Im a bit 50/50 on this one. Through work, we give plenty to charity, and I know that some of that money should be going to wages etc, but it goes to charity.
No problem with this at all.
But at home, we too are in the same situation as the OP with regards to house, baby on the way etc. Its not that we dont want to give, it is simply that we cannot afford to at the moment. We have given in the past and will try to give in the future. And its not like we are buying huge house, expensive cars etc, its simply that at some stage priorities (especially once you start having babies) must be made.
My wife and I both find that if we are honest with ourselves and each other and say “yes we can afford to” or “no we cant” then deep down we know that we have done all that we can, and that is the most important thing. If you are carrying around guilt about making donations, thrn its probably that you can afford to, you just dont want to.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:32am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:45pm)
We’re in the same situation.
We were scuppered to a single income for 3 years and had to change how we used our money.
Our weekly grocery bill is $60.
Donating $40 to charity for us would be madness.
Occasionally we donate to volunteer based charities (Salvos’, RSPCA etc) I don’t like paid money collectors. I want all the money I’m parting with to get where it needs to go.
I work hard to provide for my family and protect my house. I won’t be sent to the poorhouse by guilt.
-F-
Wed 10 Feb 10 (04:26pm)
$60!! Goodness, Fink - you musn’t live in Queensland or feed a family of 4
Queensland now has the highest standard of living (or equal to)in the Country. Qld Transport have raised Go Cards by 25% and paper tickets by 40% from the 1st Jan. Electricity is up 16% since July 09 and our petrol prices have been the same or higher than Sydney for 1.5 years.
To register a 4 cylinder car in Qld it’s $655.00 p/a.
Rates, Gas, insurance EVERYTHING The list goes on.....
Qld used to be the cheapest standard of living in the 1990’s - the killer is that our wages still reflect the 1990’s (and the nightlife - lucky I can’t afford to go out ha) but everything else has gone up. My job earns 20k p/a more in Sydney.
Each week is a struggle with 2 teenage kids
I give only when I can - Qlder’s don’t look down at you because we are all in the same boat
Thu 11 Feb 10 (11:26am)
Fink… your weekly grocery bill is $60? How on earth do you do that? I spend that minimum when I call into Woolworths to buy bread and milk!
So...exactly what is your problem?
Only you can decide if you give to charity or not. People are going to judge you no matter what you do in life.
I’m not going to sit here and admonish you about your choices to not give to charity, it’s not my place. However it does seem like you live a pretty charmed life and the fact that you have written in to Bossy indicates some guilty feelings. Maybe it would have been easier to donate the $40??
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:36am)
My fiance and I have money that just goes straight to charity before it even hits our bank accounts. We do not even notice that its not there. We both earn good money, and we both believe that because of that, we do have a duty to give some of that to various groups who need it more than us. Its not a huge amount (I think it might be $200 a month, across 4 charities) but its regular.
OP, we are also saving for our wedding, paying off a house and planning a kid very soon - but if you set it up in a way where you don’t even notice, then honestly, you wont miss it. Sure its nice to reap the rewards of your hard work, no one is trying to tell you that you shouldn’t - but spare a thought for people who will never have that opportunity.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:38am)
God helps those that help themselves.
Catch a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.
Let them take care of themselves.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:40am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (11:44am)
I believe that sort of outlook worked quite well for the French aristoracry during the revolution actually…
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:19pm)
You are an idiot.
Firstly God doesn’t help anyone. If there is a God all he does he watch two thirds of the world starve and the remaining third prosper.
Secondly how are you supposed to teach a man how to fish when there isn’t any fish?
How are endangered species going to help themselves? is God looking out for them.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (05:09pm)
Love it Al… LOVE IT
Ne’er a truer word spoken, Bossy…
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:41am)
Yes you are broke, everyone has been there. But you can budget. Budget whatever you like: 2 bucks a week or 2000, whatever. When botted by idiot workmates for their pointless charity du jour you can be a top sheila/bloke and whip out a few bucks painlessly. If they whinge about he number say “I give (insert really f&cking;impressive number) to (insert utterly unimpeachable charity) every year and this is what I have for other worthy causes.” Here’s the hard bit: At the end of the year actually do donate a solid amount of cash to something worthwhile. Somebody somewhere will be much better off.
Alternatively, you could just say “no sorry I’m really a bit broke today” and hope they won’t notice this is what you said last week and the week before that. Don’t like your chances tho.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:42am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:14pm)
A charity worker was looking for a big boost so took aim at the head of a large local business who was notoriously tight-fisted.
He made an appointment to speak with the skinflint and layed the guilt on thick, indicating he was aware of the company’s financial position and noted there were no records of any previous charatable donations.
The manager glared at him for a moment then said, “Do your records show that my ex-wife looks after our severely disabled son who required around-the-clock care?”
Slightly taken aback, the man confirmed they did not.
“And are you aware my mother has a standing appointment in intensive care and medical bills topping $10,000 a month?”
The man admitted he was not aware of that, and was beginning to feel very uncomfortable.
“What about my brother and his family who lost their home and all their possessions in the Black Saturday bushfires and had no money and nowhere to go?”
Now thoroughly admonished, the man admitted he was not aware of this either.
The manager glared at him across his desk, “So if I don’t give anything to any of them, what the hell makes you think you’d get something?”
Giving to charity is a choice. It’s a private choice - and no one has the right to make you feel guilty for not doing it.
Do what you want, OP.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:45am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (12:17pm)
Agreed. It’s no ones choice but yours.
I for one am actually getting annoyed at all the people asking me to donate and then getting abused (and yes I have been yelled at in the street by someone) because I didn’t donate right then and there - (for the record I had previously donated to the same charity earlier that day, but the guy didn’t care).
Most of the comments on here have come across as being really judgemental. Don’t judge until you know the FULL story, not something that has written in brief
Re donating to different charity. The answer to these people is `I have selected only one charity that is the one that I always donate to & only that particular one`
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:45am)
That’s right, and I am absolutely sure that Peter Singer donated every single dollar he made on his books to charity. I mean we all know that he thinks animal and humans can have sex.
Wait, he only donates 25%? Couldnt he donate more? What else does he do that he needs so much money? I know, he needs that money so he can go on public speaking tours.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:46am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:02pm)
I’ll wager you give 25% of your income - but only to those truly deserving of charity. Twenny dollar lady boy hookers with speed habits and a fistful of ribbed Trojans for instance. It must be easy to heap it on the pretentious dicks when you’re so superior.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (02:21pm)
Are you being disingenuous or do you really not understand his point? 5% is a nominal, arbitrary amount. The point is this money would make an enormous difference to people in dire situations but is the equivalent of missing a morning coffee for the entitled few in the world.
Such as poor OP who might not get the precise quality of imported Spanish lace on her bombonnierre. Boo hoo Princess! Someone set up a telephone appeal now.
Do you give a higher proportion of your income than Pf Singer or are you just talking out of your arse about someone who will make an actual difference in the world?
Thu 11 Feb 10 (12:34pm)
Carlie, are we talking 5% of gross income or net income? Either way, I hardly think 5% is “arbitrary”.
5% of an $85,000 salary (gross) is $4,250 per annum. So after I am taxed my monthly salary is $5306. 5% of my income would be an additional $354 going out the door each month.
That is certainly not a nominal amount to me, that’s crazy!!
Between running a home, car, every day living expenses and attempting to save some money for a rainy day, there is no way that I would be handing over $354 a month. I do not live a frivolous lifestyle by any stretch of the imagination, so it’s not like I’m blowing my money on clothes and shoes.
I donate on a monthly basis via direct debit and gives god knows how much in change to every tom dick and harry that acosts me on the street every day, but certainly not any where near that figure!
OP i hear you, if i were to give to every charity that i am approached about at work i would be broke. That being said i think its important to pick charity that you feel the money will have the most effect and therefore “get more for your dollar”, or as bossy said skip that afternoon coffee for 2 weeks and drink instant instead, its free and you dont have to walk as far, then pay the $40 donation. If you cant give this up (and i dont blame you, instant is terrible) then as the good mistress bossy said, tell them you already gave online.
best of luck
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:46am)
Wed 10 Feb 10 (01:17pm)
I used to work with someone who just stashed every fifty cent piece she got and then forked that over as her charatable bit.
Thu 11 Feb 10 (11:40am)
We used to have people at work asking to donate to all sorts of charities during the year, it was getting out of hand so we decided to have a free dress Friday once a month when we could make a gold coin donation (or more if we chose to).
At the end of the year we donate the money to different charities as well as put presents under the wishing tree for Christmas for the local kiddies.
It’s no one else’s business. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you choose not to give.
I’ve seen first hand where some of the money goes and will never give to certain charities.
In many cases recipients of charity need to step up and take some personal responsibility.
I have friends receiving charity who are perfectly capable of working, however they choose not to.
As for air conditioning in classrooms, this is why I pay tax.
Wed 10 Feb 10 (08:51am)