Thursday, 03 April 2008 |
The unspoken rules of ATM behaviour were blithely
disregarded yesterday, as public relations consultant Jerri Cuthbert, 23,
withdrew a total of $210 from various bank accounts during what onlookers
described as "a complete disregard for her fellow man". "I don't know how she
was raised," said disgruntled queuer Nick Mendes. "But I was always taught not
to waste everyone's lunch hour with on-screen account balances."
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Sunday, 16 March 2008 |
The federal government's $53 million anti-bingeing campaign
has had an inspirational effect on teenagers, psyching them up to get together
and drink large quantities of alcohol. Year 10 student Wayne Greer has spoken
on behalf of his peers: "Flickering lights, wasted chicks everywhere and a
punch-up on the street – if tonight is half as messy as that ad, I'll be
stoked."
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Saturday, 08 March 2008 |
Churches around the nation have reported a sharp decline in
attendance following the revelation of a dogma-shattering item of clothing. The
T-shirt, which bears a humorously blasphemous slogan, is believed to have
undermined the core tenets of 2000 years of Christianity. "Our faith has
survived persecution, child abuse allegations and the Spanish Inquisition,"
said Archbishop George Pell. "But this garment has proven too strong for Jesus
Christ."
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Thursday, 06 March 2008 |
More than 5000 men and three women, clutching dog-eared
rulebooks and dice, have gathered outside Dungeons & Dragons creator
Gary Gygax's Wisconsin home this
week, after learning the American game designer had died at the age of 69.
Although official reports have blamed a heart attack, archmage Mordenkainen is
claiming responsibility and demanding experience points for the kill.
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Thursday, 06 March 2008 |
More than 5000 men and three women, clutching dog-eared
rulebooks and dice, have gathered outside Dungeons & Dragons creator
Gary Gygax's Wisconsin home this
week, after learning the American game designer had died at the age of 69.
Although official reports have blamed a heart attack, archmage Mordenkainen is
claiming responsibility and demanding experience points for the kill.
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