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Discussion at book club once again centres on real estate prices
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More than 5000 men and three women, clutching dog-eared
rulebooks and dice, have gathered outside Dungeons & Dragons creator
Gary Gygax's Wisconsin home this
week, after learning the American game designer had died at the age of 69.
Although official reports have blamed a heart attack, archmage Mordenkainen is
claiming responsibility and demanding experience points for the kill.
Bowing to pressure from fellow Republicans, conservative media pundits
and his numerous spouses, devout Mormon Mitt Romney announced he was no
longer contesting the presidency. “If I’d stayed in, I'd have made it
easier for Senator Clinton or Barack Obama to win. And in this time of
war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to
terror,” he said. “Also, my third wife is trying for another child, and
I really need to be around the compound when she's ovulating.”
In a victory bound to take the troubled singer's mind off
her custody battle, Britney Spears has been crowned Mother Of The Year after a
nationwide search. The competition spanned a variety of criteria, including
community involvement, life/work balance and erratic behaviour. "No matter how
many nominees we looked at, Britney's name came up again and again," said judge
Julia Burris. "It's just a shame she was too drunk to come to the awards
ceremony."
Author
Salman Rushdie has gratefully received the honour of a knighthood,
and is now looking forward to the protective measures that accompany
it. The novelist has already asked if he can keep the guard of honour
that accompanied him to the ceremony. "I know I've been critical of
pomp and ceremony in the past," he said. "But I've come to
appreciate some of the most ancient aspects of knighthood, like
carrying a shield everywhere, and constantly praying for protection."
The former British Prime Minister Tony Blair has taken up a new role as a special
envoy in the Middle East. The typically upbeat Blair has claimed he can
solve the decades-old Arab-Israeli conflict in 45 minutes, a boast that
regional experts say is no less implausible than his claim that Saddam
Hussein could deploy WMDs against Britain in the same amount of time.
