Sweet Black Jesus I Have Unboxed a Heineken BeerTender
If ever I start complaining about what a rough job I have or how it's difficult to maintain a high output in the face of an onslaught of new products and the demands of a public job and dealing with PR pressure and blah blah blah...remind me of today. The day that a disinterested man pulled up his SUV to my front steps and unloaded—just for me—free beer.
Now granted, it's Heineken. And I sort of loathe Heineken. (They can brew better! I've had it!) But the point is this: 10 liters of free beer have been delivered to me; lo, to me this beer was delivered free.
So since I have to wait for the thing to cool down to actually drink the beer and the manual says that'll take several hours, you get a lovely set of photographs and initial, not-even-drunken commentary.
Kippis and l'chaim!
Here's how big the kegs are compared to a 12-ounce bottle of beer. The other keg is Heineken Light. I know—how could it get more light? I guess I'll find out when the first keg is finished.
Here is the top of the device. It is black like you know who and chrome like you know who's messiah robot counterpart.
I would call it attractive.
These are the plastic, disposable plugs that snap into the tops of the kegs. The other end is the spout. More on that soon, but basically, all that chrome is an illusion.
Here's the spout assembly open.
And here's the plastic plug laid in. Notice how the whole assembly is basically a ruse to make the disposable plastic bits seem fancy.
At the top, the two sensor readouts that make the BeerTender cost three-hundred dollars: a scale to determine how full the keg is (that has to be how they do it, since the keg doesn't actually hook up to anything and is pre-pressurized) and a temperature readout.
Finally, that attractive badge on the front of the tap? Just a vinyl sticker. (So you can replace it when you replace the beer with another variety besides Heineken, of course.)
I'll wait to pass final judgement until I actually use the thing—tomorrow, at least—but I'm almost certain I'll already give it a big, fat negatory on the whole buying thing. I mean, it's a refrigerator for god's sake. I'm getting ahead of myself!
Anyway, the point is: I should probably review this on camera and I should probably be very drunk.
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Someone gave you beer today so you could do your job? Go buy a lottery ticket right now. We'll wait....
$300? Good god.
5 gallon cornelius kegs: $25
Mini-fridge large enough for said kegs: $100 or so used.
C02 cylinder+regulator? $50 maybe?
Faucet, hoses, couplings: $50
Pretty plywood to house faucet: $20
5 gallons of whatever you want to drink on tap (soda, beer, etc)? Maybe not priceless, but better than sucking on a Heiney.
So, Joel have you heard of other brauereien selling kegs for this thing? I assume it won't be exclusive to Heineken, unless they own Krups.
I demand a drunken video review.
This is why bloggers are not journalists. A journalist would have to dispose of the gift - and the contents - and not benefit.
Other beers are available in Europe, I know, but I'm not sure if there are other varieties in the States. I'll find out.
I love beer but this is too way much disposable stuff for my comfort level, and I'm fairly comfortable with disposable stuff.
GoingLikeSixty.com, I have to imagine that makes their restaurant reviewers extremely unpopular with the other diners.
@ #7
Disposable stuff? What disposable stuff. The keg gets recycled, the dispenser get used again and again. And Heineken already tastes like it has been through the system once :)
See, everything gets used.
Somebody needs to splice that thing to a hacked Roomba so it can follow you around offering fresh beer, then go find a power outlet to plug into when it gets too warm. I'd buy one of those.
Heinken is an acquired taste to be sure. What would prevent others from creating mini kegs that fit this form factor? Heinken is the blade but Krups is the razor. I see an opportunity here.
As soon as Dogfish Head starts producing 5L blades, I'm a man in serious trouble.
I was thinking that it had a proper faucet, and was hoping some way would be figured out to adapt those kegs to homebrewing. It's one thing to rig up a kegerator in your kitchen (or living room) but quite another to have one that's all shiny and refined.
@Ross: "You.. want some more?"
I actually had some non-skunky Heineken recently, and it's really not that bad. For a weaky, drink-a-lot-of-it beer. It's just that the green bottles let it go skunky so fast!
I write from Cyrpus ! I have the beertender ..You must wait ti taste the beer..And wait to have a good Barbeque and all your friend comming..All we love this litle toy for boys.
If only all this ingenuity and whiz-bang tech crap design was focused on ways to bring good beer to you. GOOD BEER DOES NOT COME IN PRESSURIZED KEGS.
Now you should get Phillips to send you their take on the Beertender: the PerfectDraft. It has nice belgian beers you can insert.
#17 Plenty of good beer comes in pressurized kegs... Like just about every draught beer that isn't in a cask.