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Friday, 17 March 2006 |
 Andrew Hansen subtly influences your purchasing decisions with Ronald McDonald's translation of La Reine Margot, and sex toys from The Franklin Mint
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Thursday, 16 February 2006 |
 Andrew Hansen is busy working on the Chaser's new TV show (catch it at 9.45pm tonight on the ABC), so our very special guest deportment expert June Dally-Watkins has filed this helpful feature. Pass it along to the uncouth horse in your life.
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Thursday, 09 February 2006 |
 Imagine winning fifty smackers! What would you do with the money? It makes the mind boggle and the eyes goggle, doesn't it? Well, Andrew Hansen asked some of the world's biggest celebrities what they would do with half a hundred big ones. |
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Friday, 03 February 2006 |
 Andrew Hansen tempts you with melt-in-the-mouth celebrities, cooked to perfection. From movie stars to rappers to mid-level TV personalities, there's something here to delight every cannibal's palate. We particularly recommend the Judi Dench with Peas. |
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Friday, 27 January 2006 |
 It's no secret that up to 90 percent of Australians die each year from heat. It's hot out there, and if you don't know how to fight it you'll be dead before March, guaranteed. Andrew Hansen offers you an arsenal of thermal coping mechanisms to ensure you survive our hottest summer on record. |
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Friday, 20 January 2006 |
 To buggery with this soft, pinko idea of conscripting teens into the army. Young Labor's leaving it too bloody late! Commandant Andrew Hansen says, fix 'em from birth. That's why he's running a gruelling military training camp designed to toughen up newborn babies. |
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Friday, 13 January 2006 |
 Weak-willed celebrities and spineless Joe Publics confess their already-broken New Year's resolutions to Andrew Hansen. From hollow Prime Ministerial vows to fickle promises sworn by household pets, come in and scoff at these welching quitters! |
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Friday, 06 January 2006 |
 The sensational discovery of an unfinished novel manuscript in Kerry Packer's solid platinum office desk reveals the tycoon was much more than a mere saint, martyr, pope and deity. We know this because he obviously wrote the novel about himself. Andrew Hansen obtained the sole publishing rights.
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Friday, 16 December 2005 |
 The long-awaited new edition of Andrew Hansen's Yuletide games. For those who don't care about the now-useless festival of Christmas. Mild warning: These games involve the infliction of profound suffering on people.
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Friday, 09 December 2005 |
 Forget being killed by terrorists. There are at least 10 trillion equally likely major threats to be afraid of, including falling birds and drowning in the rain. Andrew Hansen offers an eye-widening guide to fear.
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