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Russian novel short on laughs
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After an Oscars acceptance speech filled with hot air, Al Gore was
quick to plant a tree to ensure that he did not contribute to global
warming. It is the 56,923nd tree Gore has been forced to plant since he
started travelling the world to deliver his lengthy lecture on his
personal story and the reasons he should have won in 2000, as well as
giving a few quick pointers on climate change.
An unapologetic
Tony Blair has announced that British troops will begin a phased
withdrawal from Iraq. “We decided that our situation in the country
was no longer tenable,” said the embattled Prime Minister. “And
then we waited three years.”
John Howard has declined to withdraw his comments about Barack Obama’s
policy on Iraq, claiming that cutting and running from the fight with
the prospective Presidential nominee would only embolden the Democrats.
The Prime Minister also pointed out that his stance on Obama is in
keeping with his Government’s long-term policy of refusing to apologise
to blacks.
Almost four years into her 100,000 word PhD in Visual
Communications, Janet Wasserman is beginning to sincerely regret her
chosen area of inquiry. Her still incomplete thesis, entitled The
perverse in the Buffyverse: RE:reading Performative Gender Roles
and their subversion in Buffy The Vampire Slayer, has become
something of an embarrassment to her.
Following Sylvester Stallone's promotional visit to Sydney,
Customs have decided to pursue the aging action star to the full extent of
their power after a routine X-ray of the 60-year-old's luggage revealed some
prohibited items, including steroids, photos of his horrific mother and a pirated
copy of Party At Kitty And Stud's.
Jacob Rosicky's
well-meaning father has imparted to him an intense dislike for all
forms of recreational angling, as well as a general antipathy for
what Jacob calls "the not-so-great outdoors". Now 31, the
chartered accountant need only think of fishing to bring back clear
memories of freezing, pre-dawn mornings spent fiddling with a tangle.
Actress and TrimSpa spokeswoman Anna Nicole Smith has died at 39DD. The star has left behind one daughter, one stalker/lawyer and eighteen frivolous lawsuits. "It's comforting to know that Anna Nicole died doing what she loved," said a close friend. "The Bahamian Immigration Minister, apparently."
Sheikh Taj El-Din Hilali has agreed not
to give any more sermons at the Lakemba mosque, following the
intervention of fellow Muslims, or as the Sheikh called them,
"Islamaphobes".
The controversial cleric was also forced to deny that he was a bigot who
hated Australia. "I think Australia is the greatest Satanic infidel
country full of lying convicts in the world. I didn't wish to offend
anyone, except idolators and Jews"
Labor insiders fear a rerun of Mark Latham's crippling 2004 defeat
after seeing Kevin Rudd's latest poll figures, the best ever for an
Opposition leader. John Howard is struggling against him in Parliament,
sending waves of panic around the ALP party room. "We've seen this
before, a new face with fresh ideas who attracts voters in droves -
until election day when they switch back to Howard," one long-time MP
said. 
