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Cornetto vendor at sports ground always out of the one thing you want
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Former Patrick Stevedores CEO Chris Corrigan has slammed
the ABC docu-drama Bastard Boys for what he calls a one-sided representation of the
waterfront dispute. In response, Corrigan and the Howard Government are
developing a plan to replace the entire ABC drama department with scab
scriptwriters trained in Dubai.
Gregor takes us on a weird and wonderful tour of the Democratic Presidential nominees. If you've ever wondered which candidate's middle name is "Robinette", or who seriously suggested the establishment of a Department of Peace, read on. And stay tuned for Gregor's guide to the Republican nominees...
NCIS fan and regular
visitor to the Suicide Girls website Gary Bullock has admitted he only joined
revolutionary political group Socialist Alliance on the chance that he "would meet some hot goth babes". Bullock, who cares nothing about the exchange
of blood for oil and rides a Ducati motorbike, nevertheless agreed to sell
copies of Green Left Weekly in a local mall "as long as that chick with
the dreadlocks and neck tattoo shows me the ropes".
New MySpace user Emily Lee, 14, says she feels neglected by her new
friend, the company's CEO Tom Anderson. Lee was delighted when
she first signed up for the site, and found she already had him listed
as a friend, and had even received a message from the man she describes
as a "really cool guy". But now she is beginning to doubt that Tom looked at her profile at all, "if that is even his real name".
The UN Security
Council has admitted it is in clear breach of its own 2007 New Year's
Resolution. SC Resolution #1738, which stated council members would "Join
the gym - and this time really stick with it" was struck in a
mood of optimism at the first meeting of the year. However, it waned
through March and April, and has now "floundered completely", as a
spokesman put it. 
Convenience store duty manager Russell Celine spends most of his 6pm-4am
shifts serving truck drivers, drunk uni students and late-night porn buyers,
but there is one highlight in his ten hours of drudgery – imagining what kind of
sexual debauchery regular condom buyer Steve Tintoski gets up to.
Although Celine has never actually seen Tintoski accompanied by a woman, he often fantasises about
the "raw, animal carnality that guy must have inside him".
In what may be his biggest victory yet, Opposition Leader
Kevin Rudd has unilaterally disarmed formerly outspoken anti-nuclear activist
Peter Garrett. The Shadow Minister For Climate Change, Environment & Heritage,
Arts had his anti-uranium core removed and deactivated by the new leader in a delicate
operation that took place hours before the Labor national conference.
Boris Yeltsin died this week after winning a protracted battle with
communism, and losing a protracted battle with alcoholism. The former
Russian President was best known for defying the coup plotters who
attempted to depose Mikhail Gorbachev when he bravely climbed on top of
a tank to see where the nearest bar was.
Although her weekdays are spent educating Wollongong
students on the importance of Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson and Peter Goldsworthy,
English teacher Sharne Mitchell, 48, has a deeper passion – her magnum opus on
the turbulent inner life of a late-40s woman who educates Wollongong students on
the importance of Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson and Peter Goldsworthy.
