Abesha Bunna Bet

It was 1996. The year that changed my life forever. She was the only woman i truly loved. She showed me the meaning of love when i didn’t even know what love was.

I have never seen her stay sad. And she was definitely not a bitter person. Grudge was not in her vocabulary. She allowed for people to walk all over her, but that was fine with her, as if she was created to love and entertain others.

Every time i saw her i gave her a kiss. It didn’t matter that i kissed her 5 minutes ago. She would call my name and before she finished calling my name, i had responded back with an astounding “yes mom”.

That was my mother. The woman i never had a chance to get to know fully. At the tender age of 16 she had left me and my siblings to join God. I was the youngest and i was full of life. I had over the years tried to come to terms with the reality of her not being around, but still struggle mightily.

I have picked few of her traits (not all) and one of them is ‘to love a person endlessly’. At the time of her illness, all of my siblings were studying abroad in the U.S. and India. I was very much the one responsible for everything. I had to cater to her every need and then some. I was glad to have done it. Not to mention how much i loved taking care of ‘my mom’.

At the time i thought, all of my running around to assist her in everything she needed, would eventually pay-off by her recovering and us going back to our old self.

She had a unique scent to her. She had her own scent. I could pick the flavor of her scent from distance.

She would hardly leave the house to visit her siblings or friends, because she enjoyed being around us, and instead she preferred for them to come to our house.

And she would constantly call our names to just check on our status. At times she would call out a name and when that person showed up, she would say something like “oh son, i forgot what i needed, it must not have been that important”.

She loved everyone in her household and showed the same affection towards everyone. I look back today and ask myself “what have i learned from her?”, in the 16 short years i was fortunate to share with her.

And i must say, more than anything is to love.

I am sensitive, at times, and she was too but never showed it, and the one thing that is not hard for me is to love.

With that said, i started this post with the headline - And, A Man Was Born. For the prior 16 years before she passed away, i was the most spoiled kid i know. I was master of the universe, or was made to feel like i was. I would run to mama with every thing ( the good and the bad, the happy and the sad).

And that was suddenly and without the slightest of hint taken away from me. I was young and still in need of her for guidance. More than anything i needed her to see me develop as a man. I needed her to meet my very first girlfriend and watch the look on her face. I wanted to know what it was like to call my mom from far away, like my brothers and sister did and when they were abroad for their studies.

All of that, i would never find out. And her bigger-than-life presence would never be felt again. No more running to mom with a hurt feeling.

And when something that means that much to you is taken away from you, what are you left with? Other than the obvious, my dad and my siblings, nothing.

Until that very day she passed away in 1996, i was a boy who was guarded, protected, safe and secure through the love of my parents. And her death opened my inner eyes, the ones i never had to use until that day.

From the day she left, even though i was the youngest and was surrounded by deep love and support, i became vulnerable, a deep thinker, fearless, and i became hell-bent on never letting others see me sweat.

With that said, i also became secretive and cloth-mouthed. I became the type you could tell your inner most thoughts and secrets, and i would take it to my grave. That, i think, caused me to not be so open about my feelings, thoughts and dilemmas in life. I became the type who tells himself “figure it out”.

That doesn’t mean i don’t have a soft side, i could go on and on about those. But when i love someone or something for that matter, it is life or death for me. I am the one who will never give up. I am the one who would love to see others succeed, even more than myself. I am the one that will ride through the waves. I am the one that will ride-or-die.

However, it comes with its price. When you are that person, ride-or-die person, and you don’t get that in return, that can also be a big heart breaker. Forcing you to be even more secretive and non-communicative.

When you ask most people what their defining moment in life was, they need a second or two to think.

For me it happens to be a question in which its answer is handy.

The defining moment in my life is the moment i lost the woman i loved the most in my life - my mother.

I was madly spoiled and loved and with a blink of an eye i was faced with harshest reality of life.

And as they say the rest is history - - - And, A Man Was Born.

I’d love to hear your perspectives on this- leave a comment if you have anything to say…