probably not worth returning to blogging for...

we interrupt this blogging hiatus to bring you this shock announcement:

I WATCHED 'SPICKS AND SPECKS' TONIGHT AND DARREN HAYES IS A COMIC GENIUS!

yes, for anyone who didn't catch it, darren hayes, former savage garden frontman, recently outed manlover, and he whom i thought was possibly one of the lamest humans to ever take a breath, is fucking hilarious.

i swear, i'm as shocked as you are about this. but i promise it's the truth.

it's like now that he's admitted to his love of mansex he can also admit to having a sense of humour. because, as we all know, the gays are a laugh a minute. all of them. even the dull ones.

so what will i find out next? nikki webster actually has a brain? naomi robson actually has a soul?

it's all a bit too much really.

and now back to my time-out.

it's not you it's me.

somebody recently left a comment alleging that in order to increase my readers and comments i should talk more about my massive rack and penchant for pole dancing.

i am not offended by the remark, and nor am i adverse to waxing lyrical about either of these topics, as many of you will know.

after all, i do have a massive rack and i am obsessed with pole dancing.

however if people feel that this is all i have to offer the blogosphere i think it may be time for a bit of a break.

and besides, i'm so freaking busy whoring my soul to the advertising world and learning to hula hoop that i can barely find the time to bathe, let alone blog.

so don't cry for me blogospherina, always remember that mummy loves you very much, and she is never more than an email away.

stay dorky.

x

maximum exposure

last week i received a 'bring david hicks home' campaign poster in the mail from wonderful tree-hugging lefty organisation GetUp.

this is what it looks like (except it's bigger in real life. der):






























assuming i was meant to display it somewhere for others to see, and lacking in better alternatives, i hung it on my balcony, at the rear of my appartment.

the problem is that there is only one person ever likely to see this poster, and that person is my very possibly obsessive compulsive neighbour with an eerily strong resemblance to hicks himself.

and maybe his three cats.

so i thought i'd write this here post in order to spread the word a little further than my backyard.

bring david hicks home and give him a fair trial, etc.

pass it on.

hypothetically speaking, of course.

if your 80 year old grandmother randomly gave you $100 and said it was "because you don't have a valentine and your parents died", would you feel like the most incredibly pathetic creature to ever walk the planet?

some like it hot

ladies and gentleman, i believe i've met my match/future husband:
































it will be a love like no other, born of a mutual tolerance for all things spicy.

our children, "jalapeño" and "habañero", will be idolised by kids everywhere, and we will tour the world in a traveling festival of chilli eating wonder.

and who knows, maybe we'll even cure cancer or something cool and helpful like that.

you can leave your hat on

my office, which i share with two very spunky co-workers, is commonly referred to in my company as "the cave".

this is in large part due to the lack of natural light filtering in, and in small part to the fact that the three of us have gone a bit primal since moving in here.

anyway today a colleague sent an email around the entire company to inform us all that he was free for the afternoon should anybody need his assistance with anything work-related.

and being the hilarious ball of original comedic genius that i am, i replied to his email with the following words:


"your services are required in the cave. NO PANTS REQUIRED."


funny stuff, huh?

yeah, i thought so.

and so did every employee at my place of work when i REPLIED ALL!

and now i am currently receiving about one email per minute on average inquiring as to my "going rate" and other such humorous questions.

i will never live this down.

well, until i do something even stupider. and we all know that's only a matter of time.

a very pole-ish gentleman

so on the weekend i did a pole dancing workshop with this man.

he is adam jay, he is the uk's leading male poledancer, and he is a freaking genius.

now i know what y'all are thinking as you read this - "a male poledancer? heavens above it can't be true!"

and i too was skeptical at first. of course i had heard that they - these penis-bearing poledancers - existed. but never had i witnessed such a phenomenon with my own two eyes.

until saturday.

fair readers of nadstown (all three of you that have stuck around through the quiet times of late), i have now seen divinity itself. and divinity is an apparently HETEROSEXUAL male poledancer in zebra-print lycra hotpants.

i must go now and attend to the five thousand new bruises covering the entirety of my body, gained at adam jay's workshop on saturday. i currently look like the victim of either some rather heinous domestic violence or a freak semi-trailer accident.

but it was fucking worth it. and i'm going back next week to do it all again.

adam jay for president, etc.