Americans love their country and hate those who don’t agree.
Russians don’t love their country and hate those who agree.
I think the Turkish version similarly coincides with the Russian one...
Volga
26 June 2007
So you thought that the only machines Soviets built were Ladas and Tanks, but indeed they also had a superior brand called "Volga", named after the biggest river in Europe (and also the farthest frontier the Germans ever could reach on their Barbarossa campaign).
Symbol of the GAZ factory: The Communist GazelleIt all began when Ford Company of USA and Soviet Union built a joint production factory in 1929 (yes, they were friends then) combining the tools and know-how of american automobile industry and the supreme communist labor in Nijniy Novgorod, the city which was renamed later to Gorky. The GAZ factory (Gorsky Avtomobilniy Zavod / Gorky Automobile Factory) had its first products on military vehicles and some experimental models based on Ford vehicles already in sale in USA. (One of them was maybe the first passenger car with a all-terrain chassis.)
Another communist victory: The world's first passenger 4x4, GAZ-61After WWII, they started building an upscale passenger model and named it Pobeda (Victory) after their devastating victory against Germans. The Pobeda line was highly appraised by the party officials (nomenklatura) as it allowed a showcase of their distinctive lifestyle from the common comrade citizen. As the common comrade would wait for years for a Lada, they would get their cool "Volgas".
Proud GAZ Pobeda posing near the Moscow River
GAZ Volga Coupe, Krushchev's favourite ride (The photo was taken in Red Square, with GUM store in the back)
Supplying the Warshaw Pact with monstrous trucks...As with fading demand and ancient technology, it is announced that the GAZ factory will once again cooperate with Americans and start building Dodge Stratus models.
The latest GAZ Volga sedan (GAZ-31105), a Lada in a Mercedes outiftI have first experienced Volga's in my trip to Ukraine and was fairly shocked by the dimensions of a soviet automobile; it resembled my father's first Mercedes 1980s. It had a backseat larger than my current sofa and the car could carry 6 people (excl. the driver). The newer models have more aerodynamic notes and an eventual cheaper feel.
From an era when ergonomics wasn't a science but a joke
I have driven a 2001 Volga once in the outskirts of Moscow and it definitely felt like driving a T-34 tank(I also did that); the gearbox requires a spartan force and no need to say that the wheel isn't hydraulic (a feature that has been presented in even Chinese cars now). The owner, a good friend of mine, also had a Lexus and kept the Volga for carrying tools to his Dacha remont. He added that Volga was the only car in the World that needed a major visit to service on its first ride out of the factory. (Rumors say that some Volga's even cannot move out of the assemply line to the factory test field and there has been big thefts from the assembly line, where the local villagers witnessed semi-finished cars being carried on trucks to oblivion)
Another common scene from the Moscow neighborhoods...people trying to fix their Volgas
That is why there are no original Volgas on the streets; every owner puts his own touch to the design while the car gets a repair in the garages.
The previous version of the Volga...strangely resembles Volvos of the 70s
I also come across a neighbor of mine, whom I only meet on the parking lot on sunday mornings, is trying endlessly to repair the Volga by himself but I don't think that he has managed to move the beast yet, since he also bought another car (Damn, everybody has a car in Moscow...but I am still in a love & hate relationship with the Metro)
From an era when ergonomics wasn't a science but a jokeI have driven a 2001 Volga once in the outskirts of Moscow and it definitely felt like driving a T-34 tank(I also did that); the gearbox requires a spartan force and no need to say that the wheel isn't hydraulic (a feature that has been presented in even Chinese cars now). The owner, a good friend of mine, also had a Lexus and kept the Volga for carrying tools to his Dacha remont. He added that Volga was the only car in the World that needed a major visit to service on its first ride out of the factory. (Rumors say that some Volga's even cannot move out of the assemply line to the factory test field and there has been big thefts from the assembly line, where the local villagers witnessed semi-finished cars being carried on trucks to oblivion)
Another common scene from the Moscow neighborhoods...people trying to fix their VolgasThat is why there are no original Volgas on the streets; every owner puts his own touch to the design while the car gets a repair in the garages.
The previous version of the Volga...strangely resembles Volvos of the 70sI also come across a neighbor of mine, whom I only meet on the parking lot on sunday mornings, is trying endlessly to repair the Volga by himself but I don't think that he has managed to move the beast yet, since he also bought another car (Damn, everybody has a car in Moscow...but I am still in a love & hate relationship with the Metro)
Another best seller from GAZ, the GAZelleBoring Information:
As the USSR didn't need to brand each car they produced (calling Lada to every machine would suit the communist needs...), they had a numbering system to distinguish the different models produced. That is why you always come across soviet/russian cars like GAZ-31105 or VAZ-21063.
(from wikipedia)
As the USSR didn't need to brand each car they produced (calling Lada to every machine would suit the communist needs...), they had a numbering system to distinguish the different models produced. That is why you always come across soviet/russian cars like GAZ-31105 or VAZ-21063.
(from wikipedia)
According to this system the full model designation by the manufacturer's name (e.g. VAZ) and a model number (e.g. 2108). The first digit of the model number indicates the vehicle class. For passenger cars the engine capacity is used to determine the class:
| First digit | Engine Capacity |
|---|---|
| 1 | up to 1200 cc |
| 2 | 1200 cc - 1800 cc |
| 3 | 1800 cc - 3200 cc |
| 4 | more than 3500 cc |
For trucks weight is used:
| First digit | Weight |
|---|---|
| 1 | up to 1200 kg |
| 2 | 1200 kg - 2000 kg |
| 3 | 2000 kg - 8000 kg |
| 4 | 8000 kg - 14000 kg |
| 5 | 14000 kg - 20000 kg |
| 6 | 20000 kg - 40000 kg |
| 7 | more than 40000 kg |
For buses length is used:
| First digit | Length |
|---|---|
| 2 | Up to 5 m |
| 3 | 6 - 7.5 m |
| 4 | 8 - 9.5 m |
| 5 | 10.5 - 12 m |
| 6 | more than 16 m |
Second digit indicates the type of vehicle:
| Second digit | Type of vehicle |
|---|---|
| 1 | passenger car |
| 2 | bus |
| 3 | truck |
| 4 | semi-trailer truck |
| 5 | dump truck |
| 6 | tank truck |
| 7 | van |
| 8 | reserved |
| 9 | special vehicle |
The third and forth digits are used to assign a factory model number. The fifth digit is optional, and is used to specify different versions or modifications of the same model. The sixth digit is used to specify export variants.
Example:
VAZ-21063: A vehicle produced by VAZ, with an engine capacity between 1200 cc and 1800 cc (2), which is a passenger vehicle (1), with factory model code 06 (06) and modification 3 (3).
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 11:31 AM, , links to this post
Fuel Economy in Russia
25 June 2007
Let's see how much it costs for 1 gallon of fuel around the world and praise the prices in here
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 2:44 PM, , links to this post
Is Moscow REALLY that expensive?
22 June 2007
I have been bombarded with a lot of questions about the recent article in CNN about the most expensive city on Earth, Moscow. So here is my another neat contribution to the welfare and well-being of who is now considering to move as an expat to Moscow. Read it well and decide wisely...
1. Housing: So your company isn't subsidizing your housing (which means that you are nowhere in the hierarchy to be seen...and will be remarked as a filthy expat) and you need a flat for your own. Think Moscow map as a geometric entity of concentric three circles with the origin in Red Square. The basic logic is that the more you are distanced from Red Square, the rents seem to decrease; it is also according to basic urban planning that the houses gets newer. A one room flat with a moderate remont (which means a slight upgrade from filthy soviet furniture and plumbing to a more civilized way of living) starts from 750$ and may skyrocket to 3500$. The difference will be the amount of filth and stench in the corridors (never mind, they will always be stinking) and the distance to the metro station. If you go out of the biggest circle and live theoretically out of Moscow, you can find cheaper and newer alternatives but you will be ages away from the Moscow life (which also reduces your daily nuclear intake). So your average rent will be 1000$ for a one or two roomed flat inside Moscow. Be prepared to pay 3 times the rent in an istance; because landlords expect you to pay 2 rents (1 for insurance and 1 for the first month in advance)..and the real estate agents also make a fortune by getting one month's rent for their service.
Hail the Soviet Remont. Notice the communist tap, it serves all purposes
Example1: They can ask 1000$ for this one room, be prepared
Example2: This flat (or room) will be gone in seconds for 750$ if in center2. Food: Unless you are planning to be fed from McDonalds and enter the wonderful world of obesity (a good meal in McDonalds costs 180 rubles, 5$, and your cardiac health), you will need to cook and/or eat in a healthier alternative. A well-fed visit to a normal restaurant (like Il Patio,the cheap imitation of an italian eatery) will cost you 500-750 rubles, 20-30$ without alcohol. If you are an avid cook, you will be well-off with good priced supermarkets like Ramstore (yes I am advertising!!).
Eating Russian food at home: GOD BLESS MAYONNAISE IN EVERYTHING! and vodka with everything3. Night Life: It is almost impossible to be away from the nightlife in Moscow because it practically continues 24 hours. Moscow has alternatives and millions of venues ranging from uber-pathos (100$ for a tequila shot...and anyway, if you are thinking about the rent, then it is highly probable that you are not chic enough to pass the face control to be allowed in) to more democtratic drinking alleys (80 cents for 0.5l beer). Don't forget that all those places are full and steaming on the weekend...so it depends on your choice. iof you don't drink and prefer to stay in, it is also great (and boring)
I know what makes...
... you stay in here. :)4. Transportation: Moscow has wo things that you cannot do with (and do without)...The Metro. You can reach practically everywhere with Metro inside the biggest circle (by the way it is called MKAD) and a 20-ticket card costs 250 rubles, 10$. As your Russian progresses, you can get any Lada and bargain for the price to get you anywhere (I have personally seen a bargain for a ride to St.Peterburg).
So here I will use my engineering background for a quick expense calculation :)
Rent: ~1000$ (one or twoo roomed flat inside MKAD)
Transportation (for one): 600 rubles (25$)
Food (for one): ~250$ (if you eat at home)
Entertainment: ~250$ (for a domestic expats)
so it makes a rough 1600$ basic...you may add costs for clothing (go buy your clothing in Turkey...yes, I am advertising), medicine (it is also cheap)...etc.
So it is up to you to decide if Moscow is really expensive or not?
Don't come here if you aren't paid like this (Note: The notes are 1000 Roubles, 40$)Note: Turkish Invasion thinks that Moscow is expensive and suggests Dinc to stay at home and save for the bad times...
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 11:41 AM, , links to this post
Why Russian men die?
The probable answers can be chosen among the nuclear particles in moscowite air (that are visible at sunset), the tapwater with heavy metals, the space age safety standarts of Lada vehicles, Russian women or alcoholism. The latter sounds more accustomed but it has been recently reported that more than half of the deaths in Russia is caused by the over-consumption of chemicals (anti-freeze, lavatory cleaners and even perfumes) to substitute alcohol.
Boring Information: In Russia per 100,000 people, 32 die by suicide, 29 die by alcohol poisoning and 25 are murdered. For the ones who hate numbers and statistics (and the people who use them), it means that there are more alcohol poisoning than murders in Russia. It is also interesting that there are a lot of suicides; what better life exists other than in Mother Russia?!
Note: Turkish Invasion is against ensurance drinking. Vodka can be more useful for hand hygiene and a good cure for flakes.
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 10:33 AM, , links to this post
Ultimate Russian for the Masses
20 June 2007
Guys! I am really sick and tired of your requests for the photos of Russian women and some tender words in Russian (like "I love you, I need you..blah..blah). I will not post these on my site (although I am not actually against the photos of Russian women after all).
So here is a link for those who somehow keep up online relationships with Russians and strongly in need to impress by copy-pasting some Russian words to the conversation. Here you go...
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 11:43 AM, , links to this post
Russian VIP
15 June 2007
Like all suddenly-rich-from-nothing countries, Russia also hasn't yet resolved its social issues and the transformation from a so-called classless society to a marginally classified society has been a painful one that hasn't yet come to a peaceful solution.
The case in Russia demands a closer look because of the fact that I have mentioned above: The classless society. As one of the uber-utopic goals of communism, the society would somehow in the future achieve a state where there are no classes and a no visible line separating the welfare of the citizens. Of course, it wasn't the case in USSR (a safeheaven for communism) where there was a visible linebetween two classes of the society: the nomenklatura (the ones who govern) and the others who are governed. Since everything from nuclear warhead production to sewing needles were planned and distributed from center (a.k.a Moscow), being a member of nomenklatura meant being in the very center of the show and guaranteed a safe reach to products and services. So it made the very essence of the concrete and die-hard support of nomenklatura to the system. A friend of mine hillariously commented on this "Asking about USSR to a nomenklatura is asking Donald Trump about capitalism". So the ruling class hang on to the ideals although it was clear that the system was running through ultimate bankruptcy; it was maybe they were so blinded by the light of communism or didn't care at all while they fed themselves fat from the milk of Mother Russia. They would have special markets full of products in their special housing blocks while the citizens would wait in queues for toilet paper or faced empty shelves. (When I first came to Moscow and began my hopeless quest for an apartment, my real estate agent took me to a house which had 4 rooms and luxurous (but old) interior design. She remarked that it once belonged to a communist party official...I don't need to tell you that the others I have been to that day were all "one rooms")
Everything was a lie??The years of ignorence and decadence passed by till the handling of the office by Gorbachov who had already reliased that he was in command of the greatest nuclear arsenal and the worst social economy in the world. So he decided to let the citizens see the awful truth and the citizens (who were already awestruck by the accomplishments of communism by the soviet propaganda machine) must have had some shock to see the remnants of 60 years of ignorance and underproductivity. After letting them see what he has inherited, Gorbachov triggered (a rumored) attempt to make a swift and a bloodless turn to a market economy and he wanted it to be done by the people the state can trust, the nomenklatura. Anyway, they were the state, after all....
No CommentAfter the dissolution, the state gave every employee a coupon representing his share in a state enterprise; because every citizen had its rightful share in anything with a CCCP stamp on it. But to most of the citizens those coupons meant nothing but colorful and valueless pieces of paper (because nobody gave milk to a mother for a coupon %0,01 share in the Gorky Telephone Cord factory) and wanted them for exchange of another colorful but more valuable piece of paper: the ruble. Here came the nomenklatura to the rescue, because they had the cash and needed the installations badly and the citizens had the shares and badly needed food and provisions to save the day. So they sold it to the nearest nomenklatura representative: the factory manager, governor...etc. So here came the myth that every factory owner got control of its factory after the collapse of USSR; actually they bought it legally from the soviet people for a sum of roubles and just let it quadruple its value in a short time. That is also why now Russia has more millionaires than England.
Nothing has really changed for millions of RussiansWelcoming the new era of prosperity, riches and welfare, came the new classes of Russia: The Rich and The Poor. It is inevitable that a capitalist society is unlikely to have a propsperous middle class but Russia took it to the unbearable limits. As the rich got richer (i mean, hell richer) the poor had to live on kasha and grechka (two russian food that you may not want to eat unless really-really hungry) The rich ordered gold plated sports cars for their 14 year old boys and the poor had to sell their olympic medals in a Parisian flea market (I have personally bought a 1976 olympic medal in Paris from a Russian emigre in 1996)
Russian Gold YouthNow, the market has almost stabilized and Putin is heading steadfast to re-nationalise the revenues from petrol and gas and giving it back to the people. It slowly creates a new middle class that has access to western media and share the same tastes and decadences with their european counterparts. But Russians hasn't yet relieved of their strange class consciousness; that is why you can see a VIP in every corner of Russia. For example, one can pay 200 (~4$) rubles more for a VIP pass, where the VIP is just a balcony over the dance floor and the drinks served there are overpriced from below. The only thing is the attitude of being in the VIP and scream to the others that you can afford to be apart from them. But somebody should tell them that nobody except other so-called VIP's can see them in there...idiots. And why not check the VIP Metro trains for Moscow :)
He can be a VIP, so can youNote: Turkish Invasion VIP (TIVIP) will soon be online. Please send money (not Russian Rubles) to Dinc for VIP access to TIVIP where you can read the blog as a VIP reader.
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 11:56 AM, , links to this post
Pirates of Moscow: Dead Man's DVD
06 June 2007
While I was in Turkey, it was an urban legend among the pirate dvd-stall owners that there were big "factories" producing pirate dvd and cd's in Russia. Knowing that all the illegal software somehow came from Russia, it wasn't so hard to believe that and some of my buddies from those stalls (which were periodically razed by the police but somehow reappeared in another part of the city...the police even once performed a press act by bulldozing a heap of pirate cd's. I witnessed that event in the heart of Istanbul and there were some old people shouting "Damn you pirate cd producers"...You can make people damn anyone in Turkey; just give them some motives) asked me to make some new contacts in the pirate DVD business when they heard that i was moving to Moscow.
Of course, I have no interest in making illegal business (I chose honorable glamour years ago) but as a hardcore software and gaming enthusiast I made my way to the pirate DVD empire of Gorbushka on my third day in Moscow...I even couldn't read Russian alphabet then. I cannot bear to imagine how i made bargains with sellers...
So what makes people bu pirate dvd's? because it is so hell cheap and I don't think anybody in Russia cares a damn about the intelligence rights of some fat Americans...Maybe it even nourishes the sense of retaliation in every non-american's heart: "They have invaded the world, sucking it dry of resources and this is (maybe the only) way to give them some harm." Personally, I prefer to buy licensed copies (not all because I honor the codes of the dishonoured) but I am sick of buying games in japanese or buying films that turn out to be gay pornography (last time I had a real hard time making my girlfriend believe that)
Today I stumpled upon this photo in internet and wanted to share with you this perfect example...It was taken on Lyubyanka Square (home to many ingenious torture sessions while it was home to KGB Headquarters..now FSB), minutes away from the Kremlin (and the crowded venues of Kitay-Gorod)...the photo speaks for itself
Note: Turkish Invasion strongly advocates for the purchase of licensed copies of films, software and music (especially of Russian origin: Buy official Russian music to support the most advanced musical society to create more popcorn music) . Dinc has personally destroyed the pirate material he has unintentionally bought years ago (by not storing them appropriately..now none of his cd's work)
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 11:46 AM, , links to this post
My First Mix
05 June 2007
Here is my first DJ set. Starting with German minimal techno (or Kitsch as you may call it) of Einmusik and MANDY vs Booka Shade, then a smooth crossover to a progressive synth tune, Discopolis, I wanted to increase the bpm and adding smooth vocals over IDM synth tunes with all-time classics from Late Night Alumni and The Egg. The set reaches a bpm climax with an album edit of Teo and Tea from the sonic godfather.
I will soon upload it to my myspace page.
1. Einmusik - Jittery Heritage
2. M.A.N.D.Y vs Booka Shade - Body Language
3. Lifelike & Kris Menace - Discopolis
4. Late Night Alumni - Empty Streets
5. The Egg - I Walk Away
6. Riva - Lunar
7. Jean Michel Jarre - Teo and Tea 4 AM
8. Lindstrom - I Feel Space
9. Pacjam - Urban Minds
10. 16 Bit Lolitas - Sedna
For more minimal kitsch techno, I strongly advise you to follow those record labels: Get Physical, Astralwerks, Italic, Nebula
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 11:03 AM, , links to this post
"I'm too sexy..."
31 May 2007
I have recently learned that Richard Fairbrass, a member of the 80's duo "Rigth Said Fred", attended the Gay Parade and got a fair beating from the Russian Police.
Right Said Fred
Ё****ть Said Russian Policeposted by Dinc Arslan @ 11:26 AM, , links to this post
Parades in Moscow
29 May 2007
Once dad told me that the Russian boulevards were built wide enough to house a cavalry regiment charging the protestors. Tsar had a lot of dissidents killed or decapitated on those streets but soviet counterparts used the KGB instead. The protestors were liquidated before they even set foot to assemble on a boulevard.
Why bother to protest?There wasn't any protest since the fall of communism maybe because people had better cared for their basic survival; but 10 years later they didn't even care about it since they were rushing to buy the newest collection of Dolce&Gabbana.; That is basicly why I had come to a raw conclusion that everybody in Russia was happy about the current situation (or too drunk to be sad about it). Like with my every solid conclusion about Russia, I was wrong again. Some people who had a rather interesting name of "Dissenters" had a dress rehearsal of a protest march in St.Petersburg and had a considerably funny media coverage when they had a good-old beating from the Russian Riot Police (or OMOH/OMON as we call and respect them). One of their leaders was Gary Kasparov (one of the most famous chess players who had his fame by beating a computer named Deep Blue...so gay) They wanted to tell the World about how brutal and anti-democratic the Putin administration is. Personally I don't think that a normal, decent Russian citizen ever cared about those dissenters but it was a colorful show to the "Free" World that some opposition to Putin ever existed inside the borders of Russia. (It is not hard to guess the grinning faces in Washington DC)
OMOH Riot Police in their signature blue camouflage uniforms...FEAR THEM!Although my daily appetite of Russian language includes a healthy dose of Russian News on Perviy/First Kanal, (that symphatetically resembles our beloved TRT1 /Turkish First Channel, which has maybe more facilities and features than Universal Studios but has the most boring schedule on Earth.) I have missed the protests in St.Petersburg, until I noticed a pirate sticker in a metro train "Piter (St.Petersburg) did it, SO WE CAN!". It is basically a roll call for all the dissenters in the capital to gather up a bigger and better march in Moscow. They definitely overshadowed St.Peterburg to the extent of the beating they suffered that day. I think it is madness to protest on the streets of a country which has a "Riot Police". (It is rumored that they have a license to kill 6 people without being supjected to any legal charges)
"Gay parade?"...is this a joke?So life went on the glittering streets of Moscow without any disturbance of the ultra-minority of dissenters and the happy and rich Moscovites continued their MTV-ish life...until another ultra minority of people who call themselves homosexuals (Are there any gays in Moscow???) wanted to make a protest march in the very heart of Moscow. Lujkov, the uber-mayor of Moscow who maybe has more power than the president of Finland, instantly condemned them as an axis of evil (This is how Russia has progressed: 20 years ago the capitalists was on the origin of that axis..and now it is the harmless homosexuals) and didn't let a permission for a march. The protestors definitely realised that an illegal march would definitely end up in a world class boxing match with the OMOH, stepped back and waited for a better time to strike back.
The multicolored banner in Moscow streets, the armageddon is near...Although I haven't any more-than-friendly relationship with a homosexual, I know that they don't share the happy life of their counterparts in Europe (especially Holland). One of those guys told me that Russia is the most homophobic country in the World and especially they are constantly harrassed by the Orthodox Church and the Babushkas/Old Women (maybe the most dangerous and acting militia in the world. They constantly train in the Metro, pushing and kicking passengers). In a country where the broken demographics don't always favor the men, the girls can happily walk around hand-in-hand but two guys in a similar pose would definitely end up in an unhappy conversation.
Redefining the Russian Homophobism...a medal for each gay butt kicked.So they waited in the shadows for some time and stroke back with a march last week. Although those marches take place on Tverskaya Street, a "few" steps from my house, I never cared to go out and watch when an OMOH police asked me "if i wanted to die" (I was actually just passing by and didn't have any idea about the presence of a ultra-nationalistic rally...I must have guessed since there was more Russian soldiers on Tverskaya that they had sent to Budapest Uprising in 1956) The "Gay Parade" sure ended up in a beating and arrests. It was a small step for Russian Homosexualism but a big step for...Well...("why do they even care to show up themselves? Let them kiss each other in Propaganda Club on Sundays" added an old american friend...Greetings Jack!)
Members of the Russian Desperate Housewives Association: "We want our men back!!!"Note: Turkish Invasion is not homophobic or supporting homosexualism. Dinc thinks that it will be a painful and a prolonged social suicide to be a gay in Russia.
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 10:53 AM, , links to this post
My Spoiler T-Shirt
24 May 2007
A friend of mine has given this hillarious t-shirt as a present...I have found this as an image file in the internet and wanted to share with you. It reflects my "film spoiler" character
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 11:38 AM, , links to this post
An Unintentional Torture (or how to get your plumbing fixed in Russia)
22 May 2007
After returning back from a virtually perfect holiday, the second thing that welcomed me to Moscow was a notice on my door. (The first thing is always the passport queues..if they had a mechanism to collect excess adrenaline on the Russian passport queue, then they would build up the world's biggest hormone depot on Sheremetyevo Airport..anyway)
It took seconds for me to realise that my door was almost broken and then welded back to the frame. I tried to focus on the note that is scribbled in russian and full of different official stamps. All my attempts to get in to my flat was vain because of a non existent door handle and a welded keyhole. I had to change sim cards to reach my landlord, who was enjoying a peaceful getaway from Moscow in Turkey (here is a concrete irony: A Russian living in Turkey rents a flat to a Turkish living in Russia) and realised the tragedy that happened while I was cruising in the Balkans: My flat's soviet plumbing couldn't handle the years of the pressure from the capitalist H20 and leaked through the walls to the neighbors. Being not able to reach both me and my landlord (It is also a perfect mystery that they found my cell phone number..God Bless the Secret Service!), they called in the local santehnik (plumber) and police to break in and stop the flooding. Then they sealed the door back to stop potential in-house looters (I told you before that you never know who the neighbors may be)
I waited 2 days in His Majesty Cagri Gogus' house for my landlord to come and then watched two Ukrainian guys he hired to break through the welded door. (If they had welded the Iron Curtain that strong, then we would still enjoy the Red Flag above Kremlin). It took 4 hours to break down the door for the two guys, who rather look like hippies from Woodstock 69. One of the guys with straight hair down to his belly said "They used to build things stronger then.." while puffing from his cigarette he made from tobacco, mortar and old newspapers.
Welcome to the wonderful world of Communal Plumbing!To my surprise I found the flat rather clean (I had imagined that a platoon from the Red Army paratrooper division would storm my apartment) but the bathroom in a mess. They knocked down all the walls to stop the leak...they would simply break a small portion around the spot where the leak is originated, it doesn't take to be an engineer for this...just plain logic.
Here is a fact: The water system is communal in Russia and like all communal systems, it needs its own strict maintenance system. Any intrusion to communal systems will give you a heap of angry neighbors and maybe even more...In any case of damage or repair, a guy needs to be called from oblivion to do the job. He is called "Santehnik" and now I can say that I have met a real Russian person after I had to spend a total of 3 days with a guy called Vasily (or Vasya as he wanted to be called by women and his friends)
He came hours after my landlord called to inform me about his coming. Like all corporate slaves, I have to get a permission to stay at home during the workdays and I can't say that I was in my best mood when he arrived hours later from the appointed time with rusty tools dangling from his jumpsuit. He looked more like the guys that collect metal cans on the street: A thin man with a blonde hair so dirty that the colour of his hair would define a new shade of yellow. He chainsmoked to the butt of his cigarette that he sometimes charred the tips of his moustache and laugh about it gradually. (He said that the some reminds him about the snake barbeques they made in the army.)
After waiting for him for hours, all he needed to do was to check the bathroom with a 2-second glance and tell that everything would be all right (He started calling me Brother because I resembled his step-brother from his Turkmen step-father). He told me that he would be back tomorrow morning with the necessary equipment and fix everything. So I had to get another half-day homestay to wait for him that day.
The other day, he called me at 6 am to open the door for him (Actually I was still using the blasted door and he needed me to push the rubble out to let him in). With bloody eyes reminiscent of a long party the other day, he started to fix the pipes while he was telling stories about Russian women, his 4 marriages, his military life as an assault commando...etc. He boasted that he quit alcohol but I could smell pure grain vodka from the other corner of my flat when he was speaking. I even advised him not to smoke, not that I cared about his health, but that he already filled the bathroom with enough alcohol vapor to blast us off with a spark.
He left the flat 2 hours later to have breakfast and returned back in a short while to "share" his breakfast with me. Since refusing his offer would strategically alter the repair process, I agreed and even offered some juice to accompany what he brought us to eat. (I decided to let the juice in the fridge when he opened up his breakfast package, which rather looked like a dirty sack of potatoes.) My observations was confirmed when he opened the sack to bewilder me to my gastronomical limits: Potatoes, Lard, Sausages, Bread, Milk and Beer. No need to say that he didn't care to wash the black filth on his hands when he spared some bread for me and said while chewing pork sausage "My brother Dinc, Men must eat...Men eat and drink...vegetarians are homosexuals and I don't like them...vegetables are for cows...don't be a cow and EAT!". All those years of my cardiologically concious living has gone vain when I ate those sausages which tasted like meat in a way that I haven't tasted before...
He spent an hour fixing the pipes, drank 3 beers and then went out the bathroom occasionally to comment on my old soviet films dvd collection, of which I was watching some films. He surprisingly told me that he had watched them all and made some genuine comments about the female artists' body parts.
I was already warned about keeping the santehniks well fed with alcoholic bevarages so I gave him regular treats of beer (He already told that Beer would not count to his fasting for alcohol...Cola was for homosexuals and beer for real men). After 2 more beers for him and another film for me, he stepped out, totally exhausted and sweaty, said "My Brother Dinc, I have made a mistake..I have to crash down some walls and o it again" I already changed to a face of surprise and anger when he burst into laughter and added "I JOKED!...All is fixed and I am leaving"...He also added to my surprise that he would be available 24 hours if any additional leak occured because he lived on the next block. (See my writings about my neighbors...I may be paying his yearly income for a month's rent...and we are living in the same building)
That day I was just about to enjoy a good night's sleep when a neighbor, Alex Petrovich (the war veteran who spent all World War 2 in German armament factories as a slave worker) smashed through my door (actually a self-made barricade from pierced metal and debris) crying out to stop flooding his floor 2 floors downstairs. I told him that it was all fixed but he need not give an answer because he was already wet. We called back Vasya and he showed up half an hour later in a black leather trousers and red shirts. He was in a "good mood" and assured to Alex Petrovich to sleep well because he would fix it immediately...no need to say that I had to drag him out of the bathroom because he dosed off to sleep there in a short while..
So Alex Petrovich's house was already wet when Vasya appeared again in his clumsy jump suit and bright moods. He told me "Men must be strong...Women don't like weaklings" while his tatooes on his arms changed shape when he was fixing the pipes...After a while, an audience of angry neighbors were already flooding to my flat that their houses were also scarred by watermarks. Vasya was already out to declare his triumphant repair and calmed the angry mob out of my flat and whispered to a young girl neighbor (which I haven't noticed before) that I was a good-looking bastard. He took the remaining beers from the fridge and gave a big Red Army salute for farewell. (I didn't resist for his claim of the beer, since they were off the lowest quality...that one would rather use for bathroom hygiene)
Making his way through the debris in the corridor, he dropped two bottles and littered the corridor, shouting back at me "My Brother Dinc, get somebody to clear the corridor..pigs are not living in here!"
So it took me 12 bottles of beer, a heart-healthy breakfast and many new russian vocabulary (actually, slang) to get my plumbing fixed...
Note: Vasya didn't allow me to take his photo and added that he would end my life as I know it as a man, if i took it secretly...He was almost sure that it would be a great source for internet spam mailings.
It is not an actual photo of Vasya but is definitely similarposted by Dinc Arslan @ 4:21 PM, , links to this post
Always Ready! (всегда готов)
Recently there were silent celebrations around Russia to commemorate the 85th anniversary of the Pioneer Organization. Now it may sound like a Russian movement to decorate Ladas with high-end Pioneer sound systems; but for 68 years it was one of the youth organizations in USSR along with the Komsomol (Young Communists).
Notice the girl pioneer: it is the sign of PioneersPioneer Organization, a derivative of Scouting, was intended for children of age between 10 and 15 and considered a first stage of education towards a supreme communist humanbeing. Although membership was voluntary (like everything in USSR; but you had to be a member anyway to survive), all children would be sent to Pioneer Camps, where they would set up camps, light bonfires, do sports and sing songs and marches of communism.
Little communists having fun in Pioneers Camp, like all saying "WE WANT TO GO HOME!"After 15, with a solemn recommendation from Pioneer leaders according to the dedication to the communist cause, the next phase would be to join the Komsomol and do some serious socialist training, like learning how to prepare Molotov cocktails, basic field and weapons training. A friend of mine told me that many generations of USSR had their first sexual experience in Komsomol camps (maybe that's why many of the elders still keep the memorabilia in their homes...). Another interesting fact is that the name of the Komsomolskaya Metro station comes from the daring Komsomol members who helped to build the Metro Station, as their joyful contribution to free labor. You can still see their insignia on the columns, if you can survive the human traffic in the metro alley (it is situated right in the middle of three main train stations and still one can see all types of people from the USSR and a lot of police to check their documents (and more..))
Inside Komsomolskaya Metro Station. The Komsomol Insignia is still on the pillarsNow, as far as I can understand from Russian TV (yes, i regret to say that I watch TV...my teacher insists that uit helps my Russian progress), there are some crazy enthusiastic kids who still dress like Pioneers and set camps around the radioactive forests around Moscow...There are also others who still continue their Pioneer past in different ways, like this guy
всегда готов / Always Ready...for a beerposted by Dinc Arslan @ 10:48 AM, , links to this post
Patriotism
21 May 2007
Tim Newman of White Sun of the Desert has wisely posted the difference of American and Russian patriotism
I think the Turkish version similarly coincides with the Russian one...
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 2:56 PM, , links to this post
New Music
17 May 2007
I am now totally addicted to Radio 538 Dance Department Podcast. It is updated weekly on thursdays and features world-class DJ's in each podcast.
Last week it was Armin Van Buuren in the mix (I used to listen to him last year and I thought that he was Ferry Corsten :) ) and he has miraculously mixed a song which I had no idea before. You can listen to Ilse De lange's "Great Escape" from her myspace portfolio. I strongly recommend Van Buuren's remix...
By the way, here is my top10 Dj's: (I have listened to he ones with * live in the mix)
1. Tiesto*
2. Ferry Corsten :)
3. Armin Van Buuren*
4. Gabriel & Dresden*
5. Paul Van Dyk*
6. Sharam (He is the good part of Deep Dish)*
7. Tocadisco*
8. Tiefschwarz Brothers*
9. Shaemus Hadji*
10. Cassius (Especially Philip Zdar)
Update: My friend Anya told me that Van Buuren will be featured in an upcoming event in August in Moscow. (I hope it doesn't coincide with my trip to Ukraine.)
Note: Listening to electronic music for long hours can damage your hearing abilities...Turkish Invasion suggests calming and sedating Russian Pop Music because it eventually bores you to deep sleep.
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 12:05 PM, , links to this post
New Russian Kids Learning Alphabet
15 May 2007
it is now a fact that there are more foreign automobiles on Moscow roads than Lada...no wonder why kids are now learning the Alphabet by auto brands
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 12:47 PM, , links to this post
Euro(?)vision
14 May 2007
Along with the tragic defeat at gates of Vienna and the "other" half of Cyprus, Eurovision has been one of the issues that had a large and everlasting public audience in Turkey. Once a part of national pride (which was still in dispute to be a part of Europe or Asia), Eurovision Song Contest, which is originally a celebrative gathering of the member countries of the European Broadcasting Union with a semi-formal contest of songs representing each state, has become an arena (not only for Turks, but soon for every member) to prove the artistic leadership in Europe.
In spite of the hysteric audience and months of exhaustive preparations under heavy media coverage, the Turkish songs, which are originally far from being able to be liked by a normal homo sapiens, usually take the positions not far away from the bottom. Of course, the blame was always on the non-voting Europeans, our ultimate enemies in a hundred years old sacred alliance...After years of struggling and geting no positions close to Top 10, the public interest faded into the growing success of Turkish football through the slogans of "Europe, Hear Our Voice " (sung in a rather threatening way). The Eurovision frenzy was only revived when a semi-competent song, sung in English over oriental rhytms, "Every way that I can" by Sertap Erener, won the first place, Turkey remembered its neverending feud with the Europeans in the artistic arena. I remember that Sertab was greeted by highest officials as a hero upon her return to country. In a country where nobel laureates are threatened not to come back, her welcome parade even overshadowed Galatasaray's UEFA Cup showdown.
For Russia, it is almost the same story, in a different country: It was almost an unwritten law of "We can do what you can do" in the socialist sphere that they had to procure an answer to every single act, movement or organisation that the "evil capitalists" create. As expected Eurovision soon found its rival beyond the Iron Wal, The Intervision.
Intervision! Comrades, please do not forget to turn your TV off before the nuclear strike.
Memorable moments from Soviet TV: "Comrades, here are the news from Varshaw Pact..."One of the features of Communism's ideology - usually - was the concept of worldwide revolution. As Communism was the most perfect - allegedly - system, so all countries would one day fall to it. And, just as the state under Communism would wither, so would nation states. Therefore, Intervision can actually be seen on a number of levels. It was an answer to Eurovision and a method of improving international relations. It was a tool of propaganda. - the very root activity of Communism.
Memorable moments from Soviet TV 2: In Wheel of Communism, Every Comrade winsAnd, it must be said, it was stultifying boring. Military parades, factory tours, military parades...the most beloved programmes should have been the Multfilms (Cartoons) prepared in SoyuzMultFilm (USSR Center of Politically Correct Cartoons) just a block away from my current house near Novoslobodskaya, Moscow.
After the dissollution of the Intervision and Russia's inclusion to Eurovision, we could hear our former enemies' songs. At first, there was the sadistic rule for the songs to be sung in their own language and a live orchestra in Eurovision Song Contest, which made some of the songs like boring national hymns. After the allowance, all songs were automatically reversed to English and it sounded like (and still does) "American Idol" talent show auditions. With the importance of the music diminishing, more beautiful and charming solists were selected and backed by extravagant stage shows. This year, there was a lot of media coverage about the Russian entry with a trio girl-group called Serebro (Silver).
Like three ordinary Russian girls, you may see on the Metro
This is what happens when Russian girls do make-up. Somebody should tell them that make-up is not created for them; but the others to look like them.Of course we weren't expecting a gay group (as we may expect from Holland) but we were also excited to see what three Russian girls can do on stage, knowing that Eurovision is slowly becoming a freak show -with a lot od semi-nude dancers and singers. Our expectations were also quadrupled by the lead singer's refusal to describe what they would wear on stage.
This is what they wore to attract attention (I am adding no comments)
No need also to say that they were 3rd this year with their song "...shake my bad ass for you..."
Note: Turkish Invasion is not against Eurovision Song Contest...actually he spent his saturday night watching the show, betting on Belarus (and eventually losing 200 roubles to Jack) and was surprised to see the worst song with the worst show to win (Serbia with a group of power-lesbian-alike singer that actually looked like a close friend of mine from Austria -he is a boy-)
posted by Dinc Arslan @ 2:16 PM, , links to this post